REMEMBER // Calum Hood

Eighty

"It's called Want You Back and this one if for you"
He was talking to me in front of all these people. He was talking about me to the whole world.
It was the first song about me that he was showing to the world, but it hadn't been the first one he wrote.
Back when he was my entire world.

"I loved it" I vaguely said. I remember we were lying on his studio floor staring at the stars above us.
Right after he had played me my song. Valentyne.
"You always like it when I get rough" He chuckled before kissing the top of my head
"I'm talking about the song, Calum. I still can't believe you wrote me a song"
I remember being so happy in that moment. My head rested against his chest, my mouth forming a lazy smile, our legs tangled and hearts beating as one.
"I never said it was for you" He teased
"You were doing so well until a minute ago"
The playful mood shifted to a more serious one when he bored his beautiful chocolate eyes into mine, holding my face firmly yet gracefully.
"You inspire me more than you can comprehend, Gia. I must've written a hundred songs about you"

His words echoed in my mind until the song's intro began playing.

Can't help but wondering if this
Is the last time that I'll see your face

It's been 36 days since the fight that caused our breakup. During all this time, I only saw him once - and not because I wanted to. During 35 of those days, I wished to never have to meet him face to face again. But is it what I really wanted? If I don't want to ever see him again, why do I look for him? If I don't want to see him again, why was I watching him?

Is it tears or just the fucking rain?
Wish I could say something

It wasn't raining that night. If I remember correctly, it was actually a pretty warm night for February - hot and dry. I remember the following days where I spent lying in bed and the sun would shine bright in the sky. I remember hating it with a passion as if it was unfair to witness such bright days when was in such a dark mood. I don't think it has rained in L.A. ever since that night.
So it must've been tears.

Something that doesn't sound insane
But lately I don't trust my brain

My mind had been playing tricks on me lately, confusing me beyond logical reason. I started longing for nighttime where I'd dream about him. The only place where we would meet - in my dreams. As if at least in an imaginary world, I could still have him. My version of him. Not the one that had cut me open and took my heart.
But the one that I fell for in the first place.

You tell me I won't ever change
So I just say nothing

The one that would remember every single thing I'd say. The one that would stop everything he was doing to give me his full attention, whenever I'd speak. The one that would wake up earlier just to cook me breakfast every morning. The one that would choose the songs I would listen to while in the shower. The one that would spoil me with fancy dinner dates and considerate gifts. The one that would do everything and anything in his power to help me, my family and friends. The one that could read my mind with as much as a glance. The one that could burn my skin with his gaze and warm my heart with his smile.

No matter where I go, I'm always gonna want you back
No matter how long you're gone, I'm always gonna want you back

The version of him I created inside my head and kept deep in my heart. The one I fell in love with.
And the one that loved me back.