My Downfall | Killers List #3

Forgive and Forget

"Eunha you have to go talk to her" Eunbi said, genuine concern in her brown eyes.

"I'm not doing shit. She's the one that needs to apologize to me" Eunha ripped herself away from Eunbi and Umji's grasp.

"This could finally be your chance. Just do it. You're a nice person, I know you'll do the right thing, so do it" Umji agreed.

"Fine. But I swear to god I'm done after this if she still doesn't forgive me. And I'll beat her ass if she tries to hit me again or calls me another name" Eunha glared at Umji and Eunbi. She sighed and went down stairs to grab her shoes.

"That's fair enough. I'm sure you'll be able to find her down by the park when you drive by here. It's not that far so you should just walk" Eunbi explained. Eunha didn't remember seeing a park on her way here but she knew she'd find it somehow.

"Alright I'll be right back, hopefully with her in a good mood" Eunha sighed after opening the door. The girls wished her luck and closed the door.

Eunha rolled her eyes as she began walking down the street. At least it wasn't raining, it was fairly cold though. Unfortunately she didn't have any sort of jacket with her. The only thing keeping her slightly warmer was her jeans and a thin long sleeved shirt.

It took a couple minutes for the park to come into view but it took her even longer to actually get to the park. It was completely empty, well besides Sowon who was making little to no movement on the swing set.

"May I join? Or is someone else sitting here?" Eunha tried to start off the conversation with a little bit of sarcasm, but that didn't do her very much good.

"Go ahead since you're allowed to do whatever you want" Sowon didn't even try to hide the fact that she was angry and annoyed. She actually tried to make Eunha feel unwelcomed.

"Thanks. I figured you could maybe use some company" Eunha sat on the swing next to her. Their small movements soon became in sync.

They sat there in silence for awhile to collect their thoughts. Eunha twiddled with her thumbs for practically the whole time. She knew Sowon wasn't going to speak up and she couldn't sit here and wait forever. Yet she also didn't want to make the first move.

"So how's life?" Eunha asked, not sure how to start the difficult conversation.

Sowon refused to respond. Nothing annoyed Eunha more than when Sowon gave her the silent treatment. It was just so disrespectful and irritating, and that's exactly why Sowon did it when Eunha made her angry.

"Alright then fine. If you want to be that way then so be it" Eunha angrily sighed and got up from the swing, beginning to walk away.

"Eunha..." Sowon suddenly called out, her eyes stilled focused on the ground below her. Eunha turned around and waited for her to continue.

"I never got the chance to ask you why"

"Ask me what?"

"Why did you do it? Why did you cheat on me with him?" Sowons voice became shaky.

"Well I, uh..." Eunha sat back down on the swing next to Sowon. Their small and in sync movements beginning again.

"When you left for that whole month to go to Vietnam I felt lonely. I wasn't getting any of your attention, including physically. I don't know why but I just felt the need to be touched by someone, and not just physically. I mean emotionally and mentally and I feel like he helped me with that while you were gone. We connected and I felt attracted to him because he understood me" Eunha never got the chance to say it, but now that she did, she felt so relieved. She wanted to tell Sowon but sadly Sowon kept pushing her away.

"But I understand you. How could you replace me like that? It was only one month"

"Sowon I can't be like you. I crave your attention all day everyday and without it I feel lost and lonely whereas you're able to go quite some time without me. I'm not sure if maybe I have parting issues"

"You should've told me. I never would've left" Sowon wanted to hold Eunha's cold hands but she knew she couldn't.

"I didn't want to get in the way. Plus, it was important for you to go"

"Well then you could've came with me. You have no excuses" Sowon looked away. She couldn't handle seeing Eunha's face.

"I'm not saying I do. I know what I did was wrong and I'm sorry. I wish I could prove to you that I'm truly sorry but I don't know how. I've tried my best but you keep pushing me further and further away. It hurts me too, Sowon" Eunha admitted. It's not like it was obvious. If Eunha wasn't hurting either then they would've never gotten into fights. 

"Then why did you do it?"

"I already told you. I missed you and I couldn't handle it. It wasn't the right choice. I could've just waited but I felt like I was dying" Eunha stared down at her feet in absolute shame.

"Look at me" Sowon turned over and looked at Eunha, waiting for her to do the same. "Why don't you die then?" Sowon asked. She was serious too.

"I want to—I did want to..." Eunha replied. She wasn't afraid of telling Sowon how she felt, because she could actually trust Sowon.

"Well there you go then..." Sowon quickly averted her eyes from Eunha.

"Wait what? I'm confused about what just happened"

"You said you wanted to die, that's enough for me. At least you kinda know what it feels like being cheated on. I wanted you to be in pain, it shows that you really do care" Sowon sadly smiled at her feet.

"So that's it? You forgive me?"

"Not quite. You really thought that's all it'd take? Call me when you finally love me again, then maybe we can work things out" Sowon threw her jacket at Eunha, knowing that she was cold from all the noticeable shivering, and walked away without another word.