My Downfall | Killers List #3

Hold in Despair

"Sowon?" Umji slowly and quietly entered Sowon's room. She would've waited to talk to Sowon until the morning but the light was on so she figured Sowon was awake.

"Yeah?" Sowon looked up. It was quite a weird sight for Umji to see Sowon like this. She was reading a book with glasses on, and Sowon never read books. Honestly, Umji wondered if she even knew how to read.

"What is this?" Umji held up the ring in her hand. Sowon seemed to immediately recognize the item as her facial expressions changed faster than ever. She was evidently worried.

"A ring?" Sowon stated the obvious. She was trying to be oblivious and act like she didn't know what it was for or why it was found in her house.

"Yeah obviously, but why? Why do you have a diamond ring, which by the way is worth at least 2 million, in your house?"

"Why do you care? Give it to me." Sowon got out of bed and reached for the ring but Umji pulled her arm away.

"Because it's obviously for someone special. Did you plan on giving this ring to someone?" Umji raised her eyebrows.

"I was going to propose to Eunha." Sowon stared at the ring with sad eyes.

"How long ago did you get the ring?" Umji asked as she finally handed it to her. She carefully set the ring on Sowon's palm.

"Over a year ago. I got it before I found out she was cheating on me." Sowon tightly closed her palm, it was too much of a painful reminder.

"Then why didn't you propose? You had the chance, this never would've happened if you didn't propose." Umji clearly didn't understand why Sowon waited. She barely knew the full story.

"I came back from Vietnam two weeks earlier than I was supposed to. I decided I'd surprise her with this ring." Sowon sat down on her bed before continuing her explanation. "I caught her cheating on me but she didn't know. Only I knew what they were doing...in my house...on my bed...with my girlfriend..." Sowon choked up at bit. Umji could see the tears welling up in Sowon's eyes as she sat down on the bed next to her.

"Why didn't you tell her that you caught them? Why did you wait two weeks?"

"I waited two weeks because I didn't want her to know about my plan to propose to her. The day I came home from Vietnam I caught them but I waited two weeks until I caught them again and made sure they knew about it. I wanted her to see me catch them because then if I brought up the fact that I caught her cheating two weeks ago she would've asked why I got here two weeks early, which the reason was to propose to her. After I caught them, I didn't want her to know I planned on proposing to her. I planned on proposing to her the day I came back but then I saw them..." Sowon wiped her eyes with her sleeves before the tears could fall. She wanted people to think she was over it, she needed to make people believe she was over it, but each day it felt like she was getting worse, even though what Eunha did was not at all her fault.

"So basically what you're saying is you waited so Eunha wouldn't know about the proposal. You did that all for her even after what she did to you?" Umji dropped her jaw. Even she wouldn't have been able to do that, not even for Yuju. She would've kicked Yuju's ass before ever thinking about letting Yuju cheat on her, but Yuju is gone, so it didn't matter anymore.

"I did everything for her. I would still do anything for her. That's how love is, Umji. I never gave up, but I guess she did. Our relationship wasn't one sided, she loved me, so I don't know why she did it. But now she's happy...so I guess I should be happy." Sowon broke down in tears as she finished her sentence. She didn't know why but it made her feel like such a liar when she said those last few words.

"Sowon, what's wrong? There's obviously a bigger problem that you're not telling me about." Umji held out her arms and waited for Sowon to wrap her arms around her.

"I'm not happy, Umji. I'm not happy!" She yelled into Umji's shirt that was covered with her tears.

"I don't...I don't know what to say..." Umji awkwardly patted Sowon's back.

"I feel so depressed and empty. I feel like I'm nothing." She tugged onto the back of Umji's t-shirt.

"Why are you so sad? It can't be all because of Eunha."

"It is because of Eunha! I feel like a piece of trash because of her." Sowon breathed heavily in Umji's comforting arms.

"Why?"

"She left me because I obviously wasn't good enough. I'm not as good as Eunwoo. I'm nothing, I'll never be good like him. To her, he's the best. She doesn't want some low life like me. Cheaters cheat because their original lovers aren't good enough for them." Sowon had never even thought about confessing to such a thing. She had every right to feel this way. She had every right to believe she had the correct answer to Eunha's unfortunate mistake.

"That's not true at all and you know it. She still loves you, she said she does."

"I've been having sex with her, that doesn't mean she loves me. Not once has she said it to me since our break up over a year ago."

"But if she's cheating on her husband with you now doesn't that make you the better person and Eunwoo the one who's not good enough?" Umji pulled away with a smile, trying to make Sowon feel better.

"I'm glad you listen, Umji. You have no idea how great you are, no idea." Sowon smiled up at her.