KittyHazelnut is Weird

Just complaining tl;dr

Sooooo I still can't really Wattpad from my phone but I gotta finish a stupid childrens book for chem on my computer (i stg if my friend hasn't done her part I'm going to throw hands bc I'm doing all the actual graded shit like a glossary and sources and the powerpoint and preparing a presentation and finding pictures and all that shit and she just has to write a kids book and she likes writing so she better have it done by now) so I'm already on my computer and I might as well rant

SO

Writing shit out makes me stop obsessing over it and I really gotta stop thinking about this so I'm gonna do it so that's why I'm suddenly updating this after forever of silence

So apparently my mom got a call from my studio that three of my teachers (who I'll call LC, R, and C) apparently think I'm rude. Y'all can probably guess just by the fact that I write Wattpad fanfiction that I'm not a social person, so I barely say a word to any of them, ever. Authority figures scare the crap out of me, and knowing that they don't like me makes things a million times worse.

That was on Wednesday, six days ago. I legit copy not fall asleep that night until passed midnight because I kept thinking about that and crying like the lil bitch I am. Now, Thursday is supposed to be technique with R, but that particular Thursday, she had a meeting at work, so LC was teaching the class. She's always scared the crap out of me, and I've been going to the studio for 13 years, so it's been a while. She teaches just like an old teacher at our studio, who was eventually fired for it. I definitely was not excited for that class, but I went anyway, obviously. I had ballet first, which was fine, and then I went to get changed for team, and I had an anxiety attack in the bathroom and snuck out of the studio after like twenty minutes.

Anyway, I had a lot of time to think about it since then, and I decided I was going to drop team at the end of the year, because I was clearly not emotionally prepared to deal with this shit, right?

And then we had our other class today, and Tuesday is for working on our dances. Last Tuesday, we watched our comp video, and the teacher did that angry snapping/lecturing thing that people do when they're mad about how my side of end formation was too spread out, and we're supposed to be squished in like the other side of the formation, and she was really, really not having it when she said that, so we obviously maintained the correction and fixed our formation for this week.

And then someone from the other side of the formation asked to go over the formation, and R got upset that their side was so squished in because apparently we're all supposed to be spread out like my side and we went over that after the first comp yada yada yada

And I was really fed up at this point because I hate hypocrisy and double standards and the fact that she was apparently bitching to LC about me being rude when she's getting pissed over two completely contradictory corrections (bc I can almost understand it if it's a correction that she gives repeatedly and not everyone applies, but if she doesn't even know what the fuck she wants to see, she can't get mad at us for not reading her mind) and i just completely gave up on every fucking thing and I muttered "that's not what you said last week" under my breath but apparently it wasnt under my breath enough because she's like "What, Katie?" and I'm pretty sure she actually knew what I said so I said something like "It's not what you said last week, so I'm just making a note to fix it this way" or whatever and idk if she bought it but I honestly don't care

And basically when I left the studio I texted my mom (which I have to do every time I leave anywhere by myself) and asked her not to go to bed until after I got home and now she's going to talk to LC about letting me drop the class as soon as I can without it messing things up (bc we only have one more class until our next comp and the understudy will probably want more than that to learn my spots and parts and stuff) and I literally feel so much better now that a) I've written this all out bc that always helps and b) I've officially got the ball rolling and I can hopefully get out of that goddamn class really soon because I'm ready to lose it