KittyHazelnut is Weird

ughhhhhhhhh

We had to read this stupid book for SciFi and fantasy (and I showed y'all the beautiful memes I made ;)) called Brave New World where people are deformed in the mechanical womb and follow strict rules and they're brainwashed and stuff but they're HAPPY about it so like fuck yeah sign me the fuck up I wanna be happy no matter how artificially happy it is

But we had to write an essay about whether it not they sacrificed too much for their happiness, and the teacher made it very clear that she thought they did but like they didn't? They're happy? That's what matters? And I can't write a whole damn essay about how our world is better because we're free and completely ignore the fact that we're also fucking miserable in the real world? Like bitch I'm on antidepressants trust me when I tell you I don't care how real my happiness is.

So I wrote it about how much I liked their world and how cool it is

AND SHE FUCKING TORE THE WHOLE THING UP (not literally obviously because it's electronic) LIKE SHE'S SO COMMITTED TO HER OWN POINT OF VIEW SHE CLEARLY DOES NOT WANT ME TO SEE IT DIFFERENTLY LIKE SHE WENT ALL OUT IT'S LITERALLY AS BAD AND PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE AS MY RANTS TO PEOPLE THAT DONT LIKE MY FAVORITE CHARACTERS IN SUPERNATURAL

I'm gonna stop using caps but I'm still ranting so it's still figuratively in caps

So I have to rewrite it to answer all the questions and concerns and objections she left on there, and she's like "you don't have to change your viewpoint" as if I really have a choice because I physically cannot answer these. This is entirely an opinion question. It's entirely about whether you would rather be happy or free. Not everyone values the same things equally, and as someone who's spent more than my fair share of time being miserable, I just want to be fucking happy. I don't care how I get there.

So I can't answer all her questions to make her see my point of view, but I also can't write a whole new essay from her point of view because I don't fucking get it. Why the fuck would anyone choose to be miserable? And it's not like they really sacrificed anything, because they gender knew anything else, so they never gave anything up.

I'm just really fucking annoyed because I spent a long ass time writing this shit trying to make sure she knew what I was talking about and she literally called out every single thing I said because it's not ethical but I DON'T FUCKING CARE HOW ETHICAL IT IS LET THEM BE HAPPY GOD DAMMIT and now not only do I have to rewrite the whole damn thing, but I also have to come in during my only free time during school because she wants to go over it with me and draft it out which I guarantee is just going to end with be changing my point of view and literally rewriting the whole essay because I'm too socially awkward to have arguments like this in real life.

So yeah that's why my life sucks and I want to die :)

Also Flower Boy hasn't talked to me since Monday but he followed my dance Instagram yesterday so that's an update on that