All The Colors In One | FILLIE

four - new palette

song - Open Your Eyes by Snow Patrol 

~"Every minute from this minute now
We can do what we like anywhere
I want so much to open your eyes
'Cause I need you to look into mine"~

The weight on her shoulders had got heavier with time, slowly moving down her entire body until it felt like every bone and ligament was frozen cold. She tried to move her limbs with force, stretching them until they ached painfully, unable to stop the feeling of crushing pressure that was leaving them brittle. When she felt tired, it was not tired in the sense of needing more sleep, it was tired in a sense of her body. She was tired of the weight on her soul and how exhausting it was to get up every single day knowing that she had nothing to live for anymore. It was being tired of the world in general, tired of all of the sympathetic smiles and all of the doctors appointments that never changed anything. All she wanted was to find a reason to keep going, to smile one morning and want to watch the sunrise instead of turning back over to bury her head into the covers. She wanted to see the point in life again, something that seemed to disappear the day that she lost her eyesight. It was hard to get out of the darkness consuming her when darkness was all that she could see. 

Finn glanced at her that morning as they walked to school in silence, her grip loose on his arm as if she wasn't even in the mood to argue with him. "What are you thinking about?"

"Why?" her voice turned defensive. 

He shrugged. "You aren't arguing with me."

"Do you want me to argue with you?" she snapped, "sorry for taking a moment out of my day to think about something else. Not everything is about you, Wolfhard."

"That's more like it" he nudged her slightly with a slight grin. 

Finn was trying to work her out day by day, wondering whether he should push her even further or if he should leave her to her thoughts. Some days they would argue all the way to school, calling each other obnoxious and rude until they were both red in the face. Other days they would be in an almost comfortable silence, Finn watching his surroundings whilst Millie stared at the ground, unable to see the world that he found so interesting. Finn eyed the clouds and let his pupils drink in the different colors around him, glancing at Millie with sad eyes as if he wanted to show her the beautiful world that he saw beneath the darkness. 

He spoke up in a curious tone. "Did you make any friends at school?"

She snorted. "I have been attached to you all day, idiot. You think I joined a club while you were in the bathroom?"

"Jesus Christ" Finn sighed, "You're like talking to a brick wall. A really mean brick wall."

Her voice became smaller. "I have never been good at making friends...even when I could see. I like my own company, you know?"

"I get it" he shrugged in reply. "I mean, I have never had many friends."

Millie crinkled her nose. "That's because you're a nerd."

"Just because I studied science doesn't make me a nerd" he frowned suddenly, glancing at her with hard eyes. "You think that I sit in my room all day learning the periodic table? It is a subject, Millie...not a lifestyle. Do you think I wanted to change schools and be accepted onto the early course so that I can stress everyday of my life?"

"Then why did you?" she pressed, scoffing lightly. 

Finn became silent. 

When they got to school, Millie reluctantly let go of his arm to open her locker, slapping away his hand when he tried to help her enter the code. He held his hands up with a sharp look, watching her struggle with her books for a moment before nodding slightly, signalling him to take her arm in his once more. Eyes fell on them down the hallway, some curious and some freaked out, wondering if they were in love or if they were just using each other. Finn wanted to roll his eyes at all of them, wishing that everyone could mind their own business instead of treating them like weirdos for being different.