All The Colors In One | FILLIE

thirteen - force to be reckoned with

song - Hold Me While You Wait by Lewis Capaldi

~"I wish you'd cared a little more 
I wish you'd told me this before 
My love, my love, my love, my love
Won't you stay a while?"~ 

Finn could remember the first time that he met Millie, how his throat closed up almost as if his body didn't know how to react. She had defied every single expectation that he had, appearing so normal despite the life that was thrust upon her without any warning. He tried not to think about what had been stolen from her, not thinking of her as anything other than a human being like himself. But he caught himself staring at her sometimes, her unfocused gaze set out of the window as if she was trying to picture the clouds and sunshine that were on the other side. As she stared at the sky that was blank to her, it almost looked as if she was watching something in another world, a world that she could never get to. Her fingertips were reaching out for the window pane, as if feeling it between them would help her to pretend. But that was all she was doing, just pretending. He could never truly understand what it was like for her, to have everything that she lived for, everything that gave her a sense of control, to be snatched away within a single second. It was beyond was his brain could comprehend all he wanted to do was to give it back, to give her back what she had lost. If he could use up every single wish from birthdays when blowing out the candles, wishes that he whispered when noticing a shooting star, he would wish for her to have everything that she deserved. 

He knew that something had changed between them. He wasn't sure when things had shifted or if it was just part of his imagination, but everything felt different. They still disagreed on everything, arguing would always be part of their friendship like they were built to be an explosive combination. Stronger and more toxic than any kind of flammable liquid, more corrosive than any pure iron metal, as if they burned brighter together. He didn't know if they would ever be a good combination, or if it would just end up dangerous. 

"Are you ready to go?" he asked when outside her parents house. 

Millie shrugged. "I can't stop you."

Finn gritted his teeth, holding back a snide comment at her blatant attitude. Instead he scratched behind his ear and held out his arm. "Let's go, then."

Her hand slipped into his arm, and it was then that she realized how meaningful the entire exchange was. It was more than him walking her around like an object on his arm, it was a strange kind of trust. She was trusting him to guide her around in the darkness, to look out for obstructions and anyone that could hurt her. Ever since she had met Finn, she had been relying on him to show her right from wrong, to show her where she needed to go. Perhaps it was more than just something that he had been asked to do, maybe it was something that he saw as a privilege. She held onto him tightly as if he was the anchor in her sinking ocean, the one thing holding her up from falling down a black hole. 

She tilted her head slightly. "Have you ever been a walker before?"

"A walker?" he scowled. 

She sighed, huffing. "Have you ever assisted a blind person before?"

"No" he mumbled, "Why?"

Millie stopped for a moment, pausing their walk to school in a way that made him nervous. He watched her carefully, her arm slipping out of his to cross her arms over her chest. "Then why did you agree to help me...you know, so easily?"

"What do you mean?" he frowned. "My Mom said that I would, she thought that it would be a good idea and so I did."

She was quiet. "There wasn't anything more to it?"