All The Colors In One | FILLIE

thirty - please don't go

song - Mercury by Sleeping At Last

~"I know the further I go,
The harder I try, only keeps my eyes closed.
And somehow I've fallen in love
With this middle ground at the cost of my soul"~

He wondered what he was doing there; feeling like a complete and utter failure, heart heavy, words not coming out right. But words were the least of his troubles - something that could have been thrown out carelessly into the air without thought, something that could disappear within moments from the memory, almost like a slippery slope. It would have been useless for him to worry about his words, when the entire universe felt wrong. Every single crevice felt out of place, like the world was still tilting on it's axis but with slower movements, as if it was becoming merely a shadow of what it used to be. Finn sat there, flicking the straw from his drink between his fingers, twirling it around aimlessly while the world rotated around him. Nothing had changed, gravity was still forcing him down into the chair, oxygen still floating within the atmosphere, the moon orbiting the earth as it always did - but something was wrong. He felt wrong deep within his bones, something that wouldn't just disappear. 

She was sitting in front of him, a pretty girl rambling on about her biology project, something that he found really interesting - but his heart would not listen. Stacey had pointed out an all-too familiar ice cream shop, her eyes lighting up like a child at the brightly colored booths and lively music. Finn winced when he crushed the hope within her eyes, steering her in a different direction - looking back forlornly at the place that they once sat. Although it had only been months since that day, it already felt like a lifetime away. 

"Finn?"

His head snapped up. "W-What?"

Stacey self-consciously tucked a piece of hair behind her ear, sending him an apologetic smile. "I-I'm not boring you, am I? I sometimes ramble and my friends always tell me that I need to let other people talk for once."

She shrugged after she said it, but it made Finn frown. "No, y-you aren't boring me. I'm sorry, I guess I suck at this more than I thought."

"Is everything okay?" she asked. 

He took another moment to wonder what he was doing there, sitting in front of a girl with light eyes and an even kinder heart. But then he wondered what she wasn't doing there, a girl with a strained smile and the ability to make his heart dance like a fool. In that moment he wondered why she wasn't sitting in front of him, tilting her head back and laughing in that way - the way that made his entire universe pause for just a moment. She would be let him ramble on about something that she did not even understand, watching him with soft eyes that made him forget what he was talking about, a sweet giggle escaping her lips when he got distracted. They would be sharing the same milkshake, a strawberry flavored one that made his taste buds tingle, the treat almost as sweet as the feelings between them. They would stay up to watch the sunset until the stars appeared, dancing around in front of them as if whispering words of encouragement about how everything would be okay.  He wondered how they had got everything so wrong, how their paths never seemed to be on the same track despite how many times they tried to get things right. 

Finn's head fell down to the table, words muffled. "I'm sorry."

"You don't have to be sorry..." Stacey told him, an understanding edge to her voice, "l-look, you can't help what you feel and I-I shouldn't have just asked you out on a date when-"

"No!" he cried, shooting up to look at her with wide eyes, "No, no, no...this isn't about you. It has nothing to do with you, really - you seem great. I-It's just..."