All The Colors In One | FILLIE

twenty four - crowded place

song - I Don't Know How To Tell You This by Faith Ling 

~"if i had all the words, i would blurt them all at once
but they're stuck in all these
fragments jammed at the bottom of my lungs
and my mind threatens to erupt"~

That night she couldn't sleep - too busy watching the stars. She could never understand what the fascination was with stars, why it seemed as if they were something so extraordinary to go to for guidance. But staying up that night despite the tiredness deep within her bones, she couldn't tear her eyes away from them. In that moment she realized that they were so much more than just small sparkles peeking out through the clouds - more than just another beautiful thing within the dark sky. It felt as if they were so much more, something so simple yet so mysterious making her feel like there was every possibility within the universe - like she could do anything, or be anything that she wanted. She was learning so much that she never knew, how certain colors and images could make her toes tingle, hairs standing up on the sides of her arms as if they held every sensation. The simplest splash of paint against an easel made her heart dance, eyes widening with sudden inspiration to grab her own brush. The most gentle glow of light could make her soul feel so warm, as if she was finally home. She realized that maybe it wasn't the colors themselves that were important, but the way that they made you feel. 

The first time that she laid eyes on her parents, she took note of the slightly different shades of their aging hair, the small details that she had missed out on over the years. There were so many parts of them that were unfamiliar - new haircuts and slight wrinkles adorning the crinkles by the eyes, not so many as before. But then her eyes found the brown within their eyes, the same shade as her own - and she knew that it was still them. 

"Why are you crying, sweetheart?" Kelly sobbed, stroking her daughter's hair gently as her husband held his little girl's hand tightly. Millie did not even realize that she was sobbing, tears rolling down her cheeks without her even taking notice. 

Robert frowned with concern. "Does your mother look that different?"

Her voice was filled with so much emotion. "She's pretty, she's really pretty."

After that moment, something had shifted within them. It was as if a secret chasm within their family had been unlocked, parts of their hearts opened up until there was nothing left to share - their bonds only strengthening. It wasn't just the ability to see her parents and know what they looked like after those few years, it was how much she understood them with a simple look, the love within their eyes that she had almost forgotten was still there. They fell into each other's arms, her parents clasping their hands around her back while she cried into their arms, being careful of her sore eyes that had just been uncovered. She could imagine them in the future only growing closer with everyday, more moments of laughter and arguments over the television channel - but still filled with love, always filled with love. The embrace felt soft and familiar, but they held each other tighter than ever before. 

But standing in front of the school weeks later, even with them standing by her side and gripping her shoulders, she had never felt more lost. The schoolyard was a crowded place, different cars pulling up and students piling in to the building and Millie had suddenly lost track of where she was going, gulping quietly. 

Her mother smiled encouragingly. "You sure you don't want us to come in?"

She rolled her eyes. "I'm not a child."

"We know..." her father nudged her gently, "we just worry."

"I know...but if I don't go back now then I will never go back. I promise that I will come home if it is too much for me and yes - I did bring money for lunch. This is giving me terrible flashbacks to when you guys took me to my first day of kindergarten."