All The Colors In One | FILLIE

five - strangers

song - Hold Of Me by Dean Lewis

~"Then you said, 'I need nothing from nobody'
I can see it on your face you're hurting, grab a hold of me
you don't like your father, because he would never let you be"~

Millie could remember the first time that she let her family down. She had been bored at school, climbing a tree and getting stuck up there so high that a fireman had to rescue her. She was wailing, cheeks red with embarrassment and although she was only nine years old, she would never forget the look in her parent's eyes. Her mother was more understanding, simply caring that she was safe after she scolded her to stop messing around. But Millie's father had thunder in his eyes, shame in his heart as he turned away from her, instructing his wife to take them all home so that he could get back to work. Millie's face fell in that moment, wishing that she could stop acting stupid around them, wanting to try her best to impress them. She hated being called a baby and part of her had climbed that tree so that she could do something for herself for once, something that perhaps they could praise her for her. They had the same look in their eyes the day that she lost her sight, turning up in the hospital with her in their arms, crying about how stupid she was to keep climbing that goddamn tree house. She knew that they were scared about her safety but part of her could not shake the look in their eyes, knowing that she had disappointed them once again. 

Even at fifteen years old, she could feel their judgement. They loved her for who she was, understanding her anger at her treatments and therapy sessions that never made any difference. But as much as they denied the statement, Millie knew that sometimes they wished for a different daughter, a daughter that did not cause them so much trouble. A daughter that they did not have to make special arrangements for, a daughter that they could take to the movie theater or parade around to their friends. Perhaps deep down they would always be ashamed of her, and how much had been taken away from her. 

"What is going on?" she asked in a quiet voice, guiding her own way down the stairs after hearing their argument. They argued often, never bothering to try and hide it from her, knowing that she was aware of their troubles. 

A hand landed on her shoulder. "You're father and I were just talking."

"Yelling" Millie corrected with a small scoff. 

Her father heaved a heavy sigh. "Nothing that you need to worry about, Millie. Just go back upstairs, okay? Your mother can help you up-"

"I'm capable of walking up the stairs, Dad" she snapped. 

"Millie" he warned. 

"What?" she challenged, crossing her arms in the direction of his voice. 

Kelly stepped in, latching onto her daughter's shoulders. "Sweetheart, please. Go upstairs and I'll make dinner in a bit. I invited Finn to join us."

"Why?" Millie scowled.

Kelly closed her eyes in frustration. "To keep you company. Now, go and get changed...let me know if you need any help, okay?"

"I said I'm capable" she raised an eyebrow. "You didn't need to invite my body guard."

She could hear them go silent for a few moments and could almost imagine them exchanging awkward eye contact, trying to push each other into comforting her. After she had given up hope, they found it difficult to understand the girl that they once knew, often opting for keeping quiet instead of fighting with her. Millie got dressed angrily upstairs after they pushed her to leave, grabbing the clothes with forceful hands as she scoffed under her breath. She didn't understand what it was about them that bothered her so much, perhaps how little they had been affected by what had happened. They got to continue their lives with color and light, able to keep control of what they knew, but they acted like they had lost everything.