All The Colors In One | FILLIE

twenty nine - a reason to stay

song - Break My Heart Again by FINNEAS 

~"So go ahead and break my heart again
Leave me wondering why the hell I ever let you in
Are you the definition of insanity?
Or am I?"~

The falling snowflakes were dancing. They brightened up the dull atmosphere and grey skies, getting stuck in her dark eyelashes as she stared out in silence. Everything about the snowflakes demanded attention, the small dots practically showing off in front of her face so that she would watch them. But Millie's heart did not feel like dancing in return. 

The redhead sat beside her, her hair practically the only color. "You know, you're probably going to get frostbite if you don't come inside."

"Isn't it funny?" Millie scoffed, tone bitter, "...a snowstorm in the middle of spring? I thought that spring was supposed to be the season of hope...a season of color."

Sadie shrugged. "Bad days can still happen."

"If I'm going to get frostbite, then why are you here?"

"I thought you could use a friend."

"Friend?" Millie tried to meet her eyes, unsure. 

Sadie smiled awkwardly. "I mean, I would like us to be...someday."

There was a genuine edge to her voice, something that Millie had not heard in a long time, something that she had been trying to block out. It seemed like her heart was trying to rid itself of him, every word and sound filled with kindness making her chest hurt - because the kindness meant nothing if it wasn't coming from him. She had seen him all week, but things were different - they were strained. It was something that she couldn't help, every smile that he sent her reminding her of the possibility that he could choose someone else, that perhaps she had only been imagining the softness within his eyes. Or the bitter reality that perhaps it was simply softness, nothing more - nothing less. 

"I've never been good at friends" her voice was quiet. 

Sadie thought for a moment. "I don't think you have to be good at it, I think that you just have to try. Maybe you could try to like me and I could try to stop doing things that piss you off?"

Millie's lips twitched. "Okay, we can try."

"Well, as your new friend...I would rather you hear this from me."

Her eyebrows furrowed. "Huh?"

Sadie sighed. "Look, he isn't the smartest person ever. I mean, sure, he has one of the best grades in our class - but I'm talking about common sense. H-He can be pretty oblivious and I have tried to make him see sense but...it just doesn't seem to be working. I don't think it has anything to do with you, maybe he just wanted to be polite but-"

"He said yes?" Millie guessed. 

Sadie's shoulders slumped. "Yeah, he did. Stupid piece of shit."

"Stacey seems really nice."

"But she isn't you."

She shook her head. "It's okay."

"But it's not...you're upset. I-I can tell."

"No, I'm not."

"Millie...you're crying."

Her hands came up to touch her cheek, lips parting to tell the person sat beside her that she was lying, that she was absolutely fine. But perhaps the numbness scared her more than anything, because suddenly she could feel the wetness trailing down to her chin, the blurriness of her vision that took her by surprise.