All The Colors In One | FILLIE

thirty six - autumn eyes

song - Ocean Eyes by Billie Eilish 

~"I'm scared
I've never fallen from quite this high
Falling into your ocean eyes
Those ocean eyes"~

There were countless nights of her consuming his thoughts. It seemed that no matter how hard he would try, she would find some way to sneak into his subconscious mind, unable to escape those eyes. A pretty shade of sweet caramel syrup, the exact color of the crisp leaves rustling in the wind - eyes that reminded him of autumn. She was running through his mind like a cassette tape, rewinding again and again as he looked out into the sunflower field beside his house. But whilst the thoughts were once clouded with confusion and frustration, there was a beautiful certainty that he had always dreamed of. The certainty that no matter what happened between them, he had started falling asleep with a stupid grin on his face, clutching the phone after he had stopped listening to her voice. They had loved each other, and that was enough. He would have never imagined that he would get the privilege of such a certainty, knowing that she was on the other side of town with the same stupid smile. After almost a year, he was still staring at the same sunflower field - dreaming of those autumn eyes. 

"I'm going to win" he told her, chuckling through the receiver. 

Millie persisted, fighting back the yawn and covering her hand so that he would not hear her so clearly, "No, I...I'm going to win. I never lose."

He snorted. "Was that a yawn?"

"N-No!" 

"Mill..." he sighed, settling down further into his own blankets, "I can tell that you're tired, don't stay awake for me."

"I'm not staying awake for you!" she scoffed, "I'm staying awake to win! I hate losing and besides...I-I'm not even that...that tired."

Finn grinned. "Oh, so it isn't because you love me?"

"No..." she grumbled, hearing nothing but silence in return before rolling her eyes, knowing that he would take it to heart too easily, "...okay, maybe a little. But I want to win."

Finn started rubbing his own tired eyes, "I'm really tired too..."

She was silent for a moment. 

"Draw?" he offered. 

Millie smiled, whispering in return, "Draw."

Just a few moments later, they were on complete opposite ends of the spectrum. The street lights of town were separating them, rows of houses between their stupid smiles. Millie had fallen unconscious within minutes, her breathing evening out as she welcomed the hazy world of sleep. But Finn was still awake, replaying their conversation in his mind like he did every night, unable to sleep with the feeling of his smiley cheeks aching beautifully.  In that moment, they were both thinking of each other - souls breathing steadily to the same rhythm. He was thinking of her, but she was dreaming of him.

Her father opened the door the next morning with a bright smile, nodding at the sixteen year old before him, "Finn, come on in! I'm sure she'll get ready soon."

His eyebrows furrowed, "She's not ready?"

Robert shrugged, letting out a gentle laugh, "Hasn't left her bed this morning as far as I know, you will probably have to go wake her up. Good luck with that."

Finn smiled sheepishly, "I'll try."

The sternness that he had settled on fizzled away as soon as he laid eyes on her wrapped up like a cocoon. Golden brown curls spilling across the sheets like acrylic paint, lips as soft and supple as a rose bud parted ever so slightly, just enough to exhale peaceful breaths between them. She had a small fist clenched within the thin duvet, trying to burrow as far into it as she possibly could, every single muscle on her gentle face relaxed. There was an open softness when she was asleep, something that he often missed out on when she was awake. It sometimes seemed like she was afraid to let anyone see her as vulnerable, thinking that they would see her as fragile, whereas it only made her appear stronger. Finn couldn't help but smile, rolling his eyes before walking towards her bed, leaning over her body gently so that he could whisper to her. As soon as she felt a presence disturbing her, a frown etched onto her face.