All The Colors In One | FILLIE

eight - sunflower among daisies

song - Naked by James Arthur

~"I'm not going to wait until you're done
'pretending you don't need anyone
Oh, can't you see that I'm naked
I'm not going to try 'til you decide
You're ready to swallow all your pride"~

The following days past in a blur, with every word simply echoing around her mind. There were no clear voices, no clarified sounds that could reach her ears, all simply sounding like worthless muffles. She waited for days for the pain to leave, for everything to feel okay again instead of this constant throbbing that attached itself to her heart. It was as if the organ itself was mourning for what had been lost, crying out in agony at something that it couldn't even remember having. The sensation of seeing color and the light in the world, the feeling of being able to look into her parent's eyes and see how much they cared for her, were no more than distant aches in the back of her chest. The feelings were buried deep within her heart and she knew that they were something that she would just have to start getting used to. 

Finn had stopped arriving at her house every morning, her parents asking him to collect her homework and leave it by the mailbox. He saw nothing of her, not even a glimpse through the window, as if she was only ever a ghost in his mind. Millie appreciated his respect for her and how he seemed to understand that she needed her space, that she wanted to do nothing than lock herself up in her room. Her parents had gasped when they entered her room, only leaving when Millie yelled at them to get out, not even letting them clean up the mess that she had created. Perhaps part of her wanted to sit in her mess, to feel the burial ground of hopes that she had built within her sanctuary. Finn had tried to fight against every instinct that he had to check on her, the feeling clawing at his chest as if encouraging him to talk to her. He stayed away for days, occupying himself with school and trying not to focus on the feeling of disappointment that plagued him when he left her work inside the mailbox. Sometimes her father would send him a friendly nod through the window, as if offering the small movement as a form of apology for when Millie would refuse to go to school. He wanted nothing more than to make everything okay in her world again, but he just didn't know how. 

That is how he ended up outside of her bedroom door, knocking hesitantly. Millie flinched instantly at the soft knocking, recognizing the usual pattern as if he used Morse code to connect with her. She could almost feel the pity dripping from his lips, could almost imagine the worry and sympathy on his freckled face. 

"Um-Millie? Hi, it's uh-"

She replied back in a snappy tone. "I know who you are."

"Uh, okay..." he winced awkwardly.

Her voice was blunt. "How did you get in?"

"Uh, y-your father was leaving for work. I asked if I could talk to you for help with the biology homework" Finn replied anxiously, staring at the doorknob. 

"You are top of your class in AP Biology" she reminded him. 

He sighed. "Can I just come in?"

Millie huffed for a second, but mumbled her approval after listening to his shuffling footsteps on the other side of her wooden door. She could feel his sharp intake of breath as he stepped into her room, eyes undoubtedly scanning the mess before him. Finn's eyes widened, hands awkwardly fiddling with the straps of his backpack as if he didn't know what to say. She didn't say anything, curious as to what nervous nonsense would come spilling out of his mouth, something that was starting to entertain her. But Finn's words were filled with worry and almost soft, something that put her on edge. 

"Y-You didn't clean it up" he stated slowly. 

Millie shrugged in reply. "What is the point? It's not like I can see it."