One Step Ahead (completed)

Agony

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Three weeks, thats how long its been. Three weeks since Deluca left. And with every day, I feel more numb and more numb.

I had let greta go. I told her to go to london and never come back. I told her if she steps one foot in america. I will personally kill her and her children. And she had 24 hours to leave.

Damien was still in his cell. Rotting away.
He still gets his morning torture.

Leo and Chanel are always in Philadelphia. They come home every 3 or 4 days.

Isaak Ivonkavich went back home a few days after Deluca left. Gabby spends most her nights at his house.

Javier and Alisha where pretty good. They see each other every weekend.

Me, I have been focusing on my training. I have been in the gym. 3-4 hours a day, every day. Its the only thing that make me feel better. Its the only thing that keeps me from crying my eyes out.

Today is different though. I woke up with my heart filled with sadness.

The dream I had last night was heart breaking.

Deluca and I where at a park.

He was swinging a little girl on a swing. The little girl had dirty blond hair and his blue eyes. She was about 3 years old.

Deluca looks at me and grins.

Then a little boy runs up to me screaming mommy. I turn around to see a 5 year old boy with light brown hair and blue eyes. The same as Delucas. When he reaches me I look down at him, and I have a big pregnant belly in front of me.

I look at Deluca wide eyed and he comes walking towards us, the little girl in his arms. He leans down about to kiss me.

Then my eyes flew open.

My eyes where filled with tears.

Right now I just finished punching my pain away in the gym and was going to my room to shower. As I am walking up the stairs, I think about the dream again. Is that what my life would be if we would have stood together.

No I can't dwell on that because that can't happen. We can't be together.

I realize I'm in my room already and put my phone on the blue tooth radio in my room. I put my music on shuffle and go to my bathroom.

The song, new: by daya, starts playing.

I haven't really listened to the lyrics, till right now.

I strip out of my cloths and step in To the hot water. The lyrics have me clutching at my chest and sobbing.

Thought I'd be better without you
I can't stop thinking about you
Now I'm with someone new
Thought I'd be better without you
I can't stop thinking about you
Now I'm with someone new
I'm missing you
I'm missing you
What the hell did I do — did I do?
Messing with someone new
Thinking I wanted to
Turns out don't want new
I want you.