Fall for You | OT4

☾❙forty seven

hemmotional tweeted

hemmotional: hey demons, it's ya boi
12:17pm

"luke, get off of twitter and go back to sleep." kat snapped.

hemmotional tweeted

hemmotional: kat hates me :(
12:19pm

"luke!"

luke laughed and put his phone away, teasingly smiling at his best friend like he didn't do anything.

he wasn't tired anymore. he's been sleeping all day. he still feels weak, but it's not as bad as it was before. he's been in here since yesterday, and he's already sick of the hospital. why can't he go home? he got his rest, now he should be able to see petunia and get back to work.

but of course, he can't leave until the doctor says so. he thinks it's stupid he can't leave now but there's not much he can do.

kat hasn't left his side. she's been here since yesterday too. he feels bad when he wakes up and sees her sleeping uncomfortably in the chair next to the bed. she looks tired now, and is constantly asking him if he needs anything.

he's surprised he hasn't gotten a call from his parents. do they even know he's in the hospital? it's best if they don't, the last thing luke needs his his mother forcing him to move back to their home.

it took months for luke to convince his parents that he was capable of living on his own. even though he was legally an adult, they still had their worries because, that's their baby. they were afraid to leave him alone. he's been dealing with depression and anxiety ever since middle school. they knew he needed move out one day, but their constant worries and stresses kept that thought away.

luke hates making his parents upset. he remembers when he first spoke up about his struggles to them. liz cried, and andrew was the one who said they were going to get him help.

they started with a psychologist. luke saw him for a few months until the psychologist had said 'you think you have it. you're told you have it, and now you think you have to act like you have it. you're fine luke, it's just a bit of sadness and weird anxious feelings.'

luke stopped seeing him. his parents were absolutely furious and got the psychologist fired. he hasn't seen anyone since then. after what that man said, luke swore he was never going to see a therapist or psychologist ever again. that one man ruined it all for him. and he'll never forget those words.

a knock on the door interrupted his thoughts and his doctor walked in with a smile.

"good news luke, if everything stays the way it is right now, you can go home tonight!" the doctor says, clapping his hands together.

luke breathed out in relief. he was expecting to hear bad news, or that he was going to have to stay longer.

the doctor's happy expression changed to a serious one and he looked at luke with care. "but we do have some problems we need to discuss and fix. i do not want to see you back here because of your insomnia."

luke sighed, hoping he could avoid the situation. it's not his fault he can't fall asleep. why does everyone act like the purposely chooses not to sleep? he would sleep all day, everyday if he could. he'd do anything just to have one day full of energy.

"we can either help you find a psychologist-"

"no no, no. that's not a option." luke says quickly, his eyes widening.

the doctor raises his eyebrow and nods slowly. "okay? then the other option is finding a psychiatrist and getting you on some medication. you also need to talk about your depression and anxiety. both of those can cause insomnia, and we need to decrease that. have you been on medication before?" the doctor asks, clicking open his pen.

luke shook his head. he's thought about going on medication, but the fear of not finding the right one, or having the awful side effects he's heard of makes him not want to take it. but of course medication is different for everyone.

"would you like to try getting on medication? we do not want to force you to do anything you aren't comfortable with. we can give you other options if psychiatry is a no." the doctor asks kindly and reassuringly.

luke bit his lip in thought, and looked at kat. she gave him a small smile, letting him know whatever he chooses, she'll be right there with him.

"c-can i have time to think about this? i don't know what i want to do right now." luke says, his voice shaky.

the doctor quickly nods. "of course! you can let us know any time before you're released. we want the best for you, luke. do not feel like you're forced to do anything. call me if you need me." the doctor says before leaving the room.

fuck.

the room was silent now, and luke's mind was literally loosing its shit. would kat be disappointed if he doesn't choose to see a psychiatrist? will the doctor be disappointed? what if he isn't ready for this? it takes a lot of courage and bravery to add something new to your life. there's so many things that could go wrong, but yet so many things could go right.

maybe he could be happier. maybe he could actually go out in public more than he does. maybe he'll actually get more sleep.

"luke, don't overwork your self, okay? i can see how stressed you are." kat says softly.

"what if it goes all wrong kat? what if i become worse?" luke whispers, his voice cracking.

"then you stop it. if you don't like the medications you take, you can always get off them and try something new. and if you don't like the idea of taking medication, then there's other options too. don't feel like you have to choose the medication option because it will most likely work best. it's different for everyone." kat says, squeezing luke's hand for comfort.

"so i can try it, but stop it if i don't like it?" luke asks.

luke has never been a fan of change. it scares him. change makes everything different, and luke prefers to keep everything the same because that's what he's used to. some times though, change is a good thing, some times it's for the best.

kat nods. "you do what you want to do. don't think about anyone else. this is your choice, your health. no one else's."

it was time for change, and luke knew he had to take this slowly. but it scares the shit out of him.

but he also knows he's surrounded with people who will be there for him every step of the way to help.

___

here's an update because
i feel really bad for
postponing updates recently.
but i'm so excited to publish more
chapters. this book is just going
to be so amazing.