lucky charms ✧･ﾟ y.m [book 1]

twenty

Yoongi sat in his bed, curled up in his sheets, hiccuping as he cried. He was fine one moment and sobbing the next.

He didn't know what to do.

Taehyung, Hoseok, Seokjin and Namjoon were laughing and talking in the kitchen, and here he was, crying into his pillow like a five year old. Why couldn't he be normal? Why couldn't he be like everyone else, who made friends easily and talked to people easily? Why did he always feel so alone?

A loud thud echoed from the living room, and Yoongi pulled his sheets over his head, effectively hiding himself in his covers like he'd wanted to do all evening. Another thud left Yoongi trembling. He didn't like loud noises, and it scared him, not knowing what the noise was.

Then, Yoongi heard the front door swing open and heard a loud "We're home, motherfuckers!" from what sounded like Jungkook before the boys were all laughing and talking again. A voice then scolded Jungkook, "I told you not to headbutt the door, you idiot! Why can't you knock like a normal person?"

Jimin.

Yoongi whimpered under his covers. It was dark, and since he'd been crying for so long, his throat hurt and it was getting harder to breathe under the sheets. He wanted Jimin. He wanted the younger to hug him and make him feel better.

"Where's Yoongi hyung?" he heard Jimin ask.

"I haven't seen him since we talked," a voice said. It sounded like Taehyung. "He might've gone to sleep in his room."

There was silence for a few seconds before the conversation picked back up and they began talking loudly and making their weird cackling noises.

Yoongi could hear his bedroom door squeak softly as it opened and shut. Then he heard quiet footsteps, getting louder as the person got closer to his bed.

He sat up shakily, the sheets still covering his head and the rest of his body, but not big enough to hide his feet, which peeked out.

"Hyungie, are you hiding from me?" he could hear the smile in Jimin's voice. Yoongi didn't respond, trying to keep still, trying to stop trembling.

Suddenly, he wanted the younger to leave. He probably looked ugly from crying for so long. He didn't want Jimin to see him like this.

The bed dipped slightly under Jimin's weight as he sat next to the bundle of sheets hiding Yoongi.

"Hyung, are you okay?"

Yoongi couldn't help it. He started crying again.

"Can I move the blankets? I just wanna make you feel better," Jimin said softly.

"N-no, don't!" Yoongi choked between sobs, "I-I look ugly!"

Yoongi wasn't exactly sure why he was crying now. It didn't make him feel better. If anything, it made him feel worse. Crying was usually how people released their emotions, but for him, he cried because he couldn't release his emotions. He had no one to go to, no one to make him feel important, no one he could tell his problems to, and he hated that.

Crying was his way of saying that he felt trapped, and he didn't know how to escape.

Without removing the sheets, Jimin slowly wrapped his arms around the crying lump, pulling him into a comforting hug as he whispered quietly, "Don't worry, baby, I'm here. You're okay. You look beautiful, you always do."

Yoongi let out another sob. He felt slightly relieved that Jimin was here instead of Taehyung. Jimin's arms felt comforting. His words seemed sincere. Yoongi leaned his head against the younger's shoulder as his cries slowly subsided into sniffles and small hiccups.

Beneath the sheets was darkness, and he was beginning to feel suffocated in it. It was getting harder for him to breathe.

"O-off," he whimpered shakily, starting to panic. The absence of light was overwhelming him. He felt like it was swallowing him. He started crying again.

"G-get them o-off!" he cried, and thankfully, Jimin understood and quickly pulled the tear-stained sheets off of Yoongi, who curled up into a ball as he cried, his eyes wide open, his breathing irregular, now sounding like gasps. He was letting out heaving sobs, and Jimin was scared.

Gently, he grabbed Yoongi's hand, stroking it softly. He didn't talk. He reached over without detaching his hand from the older's, switching the lamp on, understanding that Yoongi was afraid of being in the dark. Jimin took Yoongi's trembling hand in both of his and squeezed gently, just like he did at the lunch table the other day.

And somehow, Jimin's touch was enough to calm him down.

Eventually, Yoongi sat up, sniffling as he hugged his knees to his chest. Jimin didn't push him to talk about it, and for that, Yoongi was relieved.

He ended up laying his head in the younger's lap, dozing off as Jimin played with his hair, tangling his fingers into the soft strands as he thought.

Jimin was angry with himself. He hadn't been there for his best friend like he should've been. He didn't know that Yoongi had panic attacks, or that he would cry alone in his room. He didn't know that Yoongi wasn't happy. His heart hurt to see Yoongi crying. He absolutely hated it.

He had the sinking feeling that this wasn't the first time he'd had a panic attack like this.

What made Jimin the most upset was that he didn't know what pushed Yoongi into that state. He'd never seen the boy so vulnerable.

All Jimin wanted was to be there for Yoongi, to keep him smiling that adorable gummy smile of his.

He wanted to be the one to make his best friend happy, to make him feel loved in a way no one else could.

Jimin wanted to love Yoongi.

<3

i was planning on writing some fluff because the last chapter was so depressing, but obviously that didn't turn out well. . . . i updated before midnight this time lmao y'all can expect a double update today! thanks for reading <3