lucky charms ✧･ﾟ y.m [book 1]

forty-four

i've had the worst time yesterday and today writing this chapter :,( it was like a mini writer's block and it was tErRiBLe.

also, happy 14k! :3

<3

Yoongi flopped onto his stomach on Jimin's bed with a groan. "I'm so bored."

Jimin stayed silent, trying not to focus on the way Yoongi's oversized t-shirt—borrowed from Jimin—rode up his thighs, showing off his lacy red panties. His legs were long and smooth, and he looked so pretty with his ruffled pink hair sticking up in a naturally messy kind of way, his lips glossy and his twinkly eyes lined with eyeliner.

"Jiminie, are you okay?"

He looked up with a start, cheeks reddening as he met Yoongi's questioning gaze.

"Y-Yeah, just. . . ."

"What is it?" Yoongi asked.

Jimin smiled, crawling onto the bed and dragging the smaller into his lap, back hugging him. "You're very beautiful, baby, and it's a bit distracting."

"A-am not!"

"Mhmm, you're my pretty baby," Jimin cooed, nuzzling his nose into the older's neck.

"I really don't get why you keep saying that," Yoongi frowned, turning to face Jimin.

"Am I making you uncomfortable?" he asked, suddenly worried. Yoongi wasn't even into him, and here Jimin was, kissing his neck and calling him baby.

As if Yoongi was his.

"No, you're not," Yoongi said before mumbling, "I-I just don't understand it."

"Understand what?"

He hesitated. "I don't understand why you kiss me. I don't understand why you call me your baby, why you call me pretty and beautiful and make me feel special. More special than I u-used to be to you, but still not—"

Yoongi paused suddenly, looking as if he had almost said something he shouldn't have. "I-It's just that. . . . I don't deserve it, any of it. I'm not pretty at all. I don't deserve you, nor your touches. I don't deserve to feel special," he continued, and Jimin felt a pang in his chest as he saw tears well in the older's eyes. "I don't deserve to be loved, don't deserve to be yours, don't deserve anything. I-I don't deserve you, Jimin."

Then Yoongi let out a shaky laugh as the tears kept running down his cheeks, wiping them away almost aggressively with the back of his hand. "You're just. . . . so, so perfect, and I— I just feel. . . . I feel l-like I don't—" He started crying harder, and Jimin just listened as Yoongi let out his feelings, pulling him to his chest and holding him in his warm arms.

"I hate myself, Jimin, I really do. I'm n-never good enough, not for anyone. Not for my appa, not for you, not even for myself. I don't deserve anything," Yoongi repeated weakly, choking on his tears. "I-I just look around and s-see perfectly happy people and I-I wonder why I'm never happy, even when I'm with the person that— the person that I love, the person that I live for. The person that keeps me happy."

"I should be happy with you, and I am, really, but i-it's not the same," Yoongi hiccuped, burying his head into Jimin's chest. "Nothing's the same. I-I just want to be happy, but I can't anymore. P-please help me, m-make it stop."

Jimin pressed a gentle kiss into Yoongi's fluffy hair, his own eyes wet. "I love you, baby, okay? I love you so, so much. I always will. You deserve the world, and so much more, so please don't ever feel like you aren't good enough because you are. You are absolutely perfect in my eyes, and you will never be anything less. I call you my pretty baby because you're so fucking beautiful. You're my baby, Yoongi," he said softly, "because I love you."

Yoongi's eyes were still teary, and he sniffled quietly before whispering, "I-it's not the same."

You'll never love me the way I love you, they both thought.

"It really isn't," Jimin said, his eyes swirling with emotions that he could never express. "It really isn't."

They sat there for some time in the empty silence before Yoongi, his tears now dried on his cheeks, whispered, "I love you too, Jimin."

And Jimin just smiled a small, sad smile, and gently brushed the hair out of Yoongi's eyes. "I love you more than you'll ever know, baby."

"Really?"

"Mhmm."

"I doubt you'll ever love me the way I love you."

Jimin looked up at that, a curious expression on his face, waiting for Yoongi to elaborate. When he didn't, Jimin asked for just that.

"I-it's nothing," Yoongi said, tilting his head down in the hopes of hiding the nervousness in his eyes from the younger.

Jimin couldn't ignore the hopeful feeling unfurling in his chest, just wondering if maybe he really did have a chance. A chance to be more to Yoongi than best friends. But he knew that if he got his hopes up now, there was no going back, and he'd just be spiraling in an endless road of hurt.

So, of course, he had to settle with what he already had, for fear that Yoongi only saw him as a best friend, nothing more.

Jimin sighed. I doubt you'll ever love me the way I love you. "I could say the same."

<3

can't think of a question so. . . . do y'all like bananas??

OH WAIT I'VE GOT ONE. so imma be your therapist now,, tell me about your problems, i'm here to listen <3 (yes, i know it's not a question, which is why i'm leaving the banana question as it is lmaoo)

please don't be a silent reader! i love reading your comments, they make my day X3

thanks for reading <3