Vergil's OneShots (DMC Fanfiction)

I Don't Want To Be A Protagonist!

A/N: Surprise Update! I wrote this story from start to end in one day today, and am uploading this before I regret it. I am unsure if people enjoy fourth wall breaking, but I am giving the warning that if you don't, do not read this part. Please leave comments stating if you liked my attempt at a humorous, comedic story like this, or if I did really badly and should just go back to what I'm used to writing.

[I Don't Want To Be A Protagonist!]

Personality: Post-DMC5 Vergil

This is a story about another day in the Devil May Cry office. The routine went on normally with the Sparda Brothers who inhabited this building: Dante had woken up in the morning, taken a few bites out of his leftover pizza, sighed when the electricity was cut off once again, sat his ass down on his usual seat, opened a random magazine on the table to a random page, applied the open magazine onto his face, then slept. His brother was no more active than him: Vergil had similarly woken up, silently made himself a cup of coffee before the water and electricity had gone off, sat his ass down on the couch at the side of the large office space, opened his favourite book of poems, and had basically read the rest of the day away. It was all peaceful.

Until the doors burst open, and in came running a lean young woman. On her feet wore combat boots that ran halfway up her shins, and above that wore comfortable beige cotton pants suitable for hunting. Her clean image was paired with a black cotton inner shirt and a loose hunting jacket that was halfway zipped up. On her hip hung an arrow pouch, and slung across her back was her folded hunting bow held tightly on its holster.

"You two have your asses attached to something again?" Alex demanded at the sight of both men still deeply engaged in their usual activities, neither having reacted to her exploding into the room. It was ridiculous; how these two men had been able to survive this whole time ever since coming back from the Nightmare of Red Grave. When she had first been introduced to this pair through a friend, Alex had thought that they were impressive and admirable, even. Now, after having understood their daily lifestyle, however, she could only liken these two leeches to the male version of her sisters-in-law.

Alex came from a well-to-do family, and that meant that there were always gold-diggers aiming for them. And, unfortunate as it may seem, her elder brothers had been too unguarded and had been captured by rings on their forth fingers to leeches that behaved as if the wealth they had obtained was water. Alex had never had much communication with them but-

Wait, wait. Don't go further with this explanation. Keep the focus on the Sparda brothers.

"Come on, I'm here! There's a job and demons to kill! Get those ugly asses moving!" Alex demanded, stalking to the table and slamming the table a few times to wake the sleeping veteran demon hunter up.

"You are a capable demon hunter." Vergil said from the couch, not even looking up from his book while Dante stretched and yawned lazily at the slamming. "If there are demons that require you to ask for help, then they would have made much bigger news or would already have destroyed this place."

A capable demon hunter. It was hard to believe that Vergil, the proud and arrogant elder twin of Dante Sparda was acknowledging Alex as a capable demon hunter. This was coming from the same man who refused to acknowledge Lady as anything more than a human tottering around with guns. But Alex had fought for that acknowledgement, had shed blood, tears and sweat to gain that recognition. Though she was not viewed as a threat by the all-mighty Vergil, the man still recognised her skills and capabilities through all that hard work and-

Stop, please! Don't focus on me. The main characters are right in front of you! Focus on Dante and Vergil, and not on me! Nobody wants to know who this Alex person is, and how the heck I fought to get recognition from Vergil. Just move on with the story.