Life lessons with villain Deku

Never let Izuku babysit

HAi

Izuku's POV

I walk through the door and into the bar. I had just gotten back from my date with Todoroki, the whole time I felt like I was being watched but whatever. When I walk in, I see Tomura staring at a child, and the child was staring back. Tomura notices me and picks up the kid then he runs to me.

" I need you to watch this," he says, giving me the kid.

" whyyyyy?" I ask.

" because I have to talk to this dude and Toga is doing something, and I don't trust her with Dabi!"

" So you are telling me you trust an irresponsible fifteen-year-old with like a toddler or something to watch a kid with issues because if you are, that's a horrible fucking idea," I say shaking the kid a little but.

" yes?"

" ok but you owe me thirty bucks and a Starbuck gift card."

" fine" Tomura says. " Oh, and when I come back, the kid better have two arms and two legs, and she better be breathing." Tomura then walked away. I put the kid down, and we look at each other.

" Who are you," I ask, sitting down in the middle of the room because FUCK FUCKING customs.

" Eri," she says quietly.

" well, Eri-chan I'm going to ruin you so just so you know what's going to happen." I smile and try to think of what to do with this kid.

" so kids have tea parties right?" I ask. she nods, and I grab her hand. " I'm sure Toga has some girly shit we could use." We walk up to Toga's room, and I open the door, " It looks like a unicorn exploded in here." Eri giggles when I say that. Then we walk into the room.

( time skip broght to you by Mister quacker who is currently on his honymoon so ya)

( no one's POV)

Izuku sips out oF a teacup and sits at a little table. " would you like some more tea mister Midoria?"

" yes please miss Eri," Izuku says, handing over his fake teacup. The two even got some stuffed animals and a picture of the Kardations and . Animal crackers, Izuku like biting off the legs first so they can't escape; this is the best fucking tea party Izuku has had in years. After the two had finished their tea, they walked into the hallway. " what do you wanna do now?"

" dress up," she says, smiling.

" you know what," Izuku asks.

" what"

" I'll tell you what why the fuck not we can play fucking dress up" Izuku picks her up and runs to his room. Eri looks through the box of costumes that Izuku so happens to have when she picks something up and runs to Izuku.

" You want me to wear a pink princess dress?" Izuku asks. She nods, and Izuku goes to the bathroom to change. When he comes back Eri claps. " Eri I don't know what to say."

" say you like it."

" no ill say I love it now wanna put random shit down the toilet."

" Yah" they both run to the bathroom and look through the doors. They put a rubber duck down there. They put some of Tomura's hand ( he's gonna be pissed), They put some regret in there, They put another-chan down there.

While Izuku was looking for some more shit, Eri tapped on his shoulder. " yah?" I ask.

" Ummm is it supposed to be overflowing?" she asks.

" wait, fuck" Izuku looks at the Toilet which is overflowing with water. " do we have a plunger!!"

" we flushed the plunger remember!?" They hear the door open and its Dabi.

" You are left alone for an hour, and now there is a little girl, the Toilet is overflowing, and Toga stole my wallet. what could go wrong now?" Eri and Izuku nod at each other before grabbing Dabi and shoving him towards the Tolet. " why."

" fix it!!!" Then Izuku shoves him down the Toilet.

" Well the good new's is the toilet isn't overflowing anymore, but the bad news is the edgy boy is stuck and drowning."

" not drowning just stuck," izuku says.

Izuku's POV

I hear the door to the bar open, and I run down to see Toga walk in. TOGA HOW DO YOU UNCLOG A TOILET"

" Why?" she asks

"BECAUSE I WAS PUTTING STUFF IN IT AND NOW DABI IS STICK AND IM SUPPOSED TO BE WATCHING THIS LITTLE GIRL we had a great time we had a tea party BYT THAT'S NOT THE POINT!" I yell.

" Izuku the water is overflowing again!" Eri yells.

"IM COMING ERI" I then run back up the stairs and into the bathroom. Toga followed me up there and gasps.

" Zuzu we all know if this happens, we have to appease the toilet god and then sacrifice one of is I vote Dabi because he can be such a pain in the as-"

" Watch your FUCKING PROFANITY TOGA THERE IS A LITTLE FUCKING GIRL, AND SHE DOEST has TO BE SCARED BY YOUR SHITTY COMEBACKS BITCH!" I yell. She looks at me funny and giggles. " but I do agree on the sacrificing bit."

" I think I have an idea!" Eri says.

" what is it little girl" Toga asks.

" We should all just pull him out." we all nod and all tug together. eventually, he comes out and has a pirana biting on his nose.

" The fuck izuku why is your fish in the toilet.?"

" he wanted to be free," I say," and Kurogiri said he would cook mister chompers if I didn't get a better attitude." We all walk downstairs to see Tomura with some dude who I'm going to call bird brain.

" why is Izuku wearing a dress?" Tomura asks

" Why are you wearing hands?" I ask back in a snarky way.

" BeCaUsE It's A FAshOn CoiCe" he screeches.

" Eri we have to go." Bird brain says. Eri walks over to him, and they leave.

" welp never again. Still gotta sacrifice Dabi to the toilet god tho and also Toga I'm keeping this dress. Oh and get me that gift card, Peace motherfucker." Then I walk up to my room and slam the door.

Hai,....bi