POETRY THAT STAYS

I just wish it's still you instead.

Over the past few years, loving you frightened me. I knew I was giving too much love in me, spent too much time overthinking about us. I was afraid that loving you might empty me. I was afraid that it was just me pouring out alone. 

I realized as we grew higher, as we stretched longer, as we expanded wider, as we distanced further. It goes to show that you loved me as much I did to you and to myself. 

You loved me like I was just exactly the person who remained constant in your busy crowd. You made me your moon in an ocean of glimmering stars. 

You love and love and love and sadly, you loved me. I never felt love and importance just by being around. I never felt that i was wanted and needed. 

That I was both the strength and weakness. That I could be both a person and a world to one person. You loved me and gave your everything only to realize it was me who emptied you. It was you who gave and lost more.

I am no longer afraid that I love you deeply the way I did. I am just scared that I will look for you on days when I'm lost and that nobody's going to love me like I mattered. I am afraid to love someone again only to look for the love you made me feel. I am afraid because I don't want to be unfair. I just wish I never oversaw every detail of your affection.

I just wish it's still you instead.
I just wish it was still me.
I am just simply afraid that nobody's going to see me the way you saw me.