POETRY THAT STAYS

I want you to be happy,and not comeback.

I forgive you for choosing not to stay. Holding on right now would be emotional masochism and letting you go with grace is the only way forward.

I forgive you for all the times you chose to deliberately hurt me because I know I will never let someone else do it to me again.

I forgive you for showing me dreams that my practical self didn't want to see in the first place. We all know it's wrong, but where's the fun if it didn't consume you anyway?

I forgive you for all the places I choose to no longer visit because I don't think I can reclaim them simply as my own.

I forgive you even though I choose to leave people before they can leave me.

I forgive you for all the pain you still cause, long after you're gone but you should know, I don't deserve one bit of this because I'm so proud of being someone who tries to make things work.

I forgive you for all the times I had to beg to get an hour with you, because I know now, that I have people, an entire village in fact with whom no amount of time will ever be enough.

I forgive you for being disrespectful because there's good out there in the world and I see that in seats given to the old in subways and free hugs just because you can. I now know exactly what I don't want in a person.

I forgive you for not being someone who puts in the effort, because how do you love someone else without loving yourself first? I hope you're okay even though I'll never ask.

I forgive you for all the lies but know that I look for red flags just about everywhere with everyone now.

I forgive you for all the times I look at blue T- shirts on streets and wonder if it's you. I wonder if someone will make the same kind of jokes and if I could laugh at dark humor again. I forgive you for all the good songs and musicians I can't listen to right now because you do have the best taste in music.

I forgive you because if it wasn't for you, I'd have gone my whole life believing I was too selfish to put someone else's needs before mine and not want anything in return.

I forgive you because I don't regret a thing. I forgive you for not being right for me and I'll keep taking chances because life's too short to have regrets.

And I'll forgive you because you made me love you in a time when I believed I couldn't.

And I hope you'll forgive me for leaving too because I want you to go and be happy, and not come back.