POETRY THAT STAYS

Things You Hate

You used to hate the way you can't see me. The way we can't meet on the weekends together because that's how you wanted to end your dragging weekend with lots of pressures and rush from work. You hate the way I was too far away every time you wanted to be here beside me.

You used to hate the way I surprised you because you're always melting away. You always go weak with my presence as I bring with me the take-outs from fast food resto. You always wanted to invade the kitchen so you could cook for me your best meal. You always impress me with that.

You used to hate the way I sleep late; the way you wish I had a healthier habit instead. You used to wake up in the middle of the night and although you were so used to it, you still wish that one day it's never too late to change my toxic routine.

You used to hate the way I didn't answer your call, the way you wish I would pick it up and tell you what happened to my day. You wanted to be the first person who'll get to hear both the good and bad news about my day.

You used to hate the way I keep everything to myself alone. You always remind me that you're here so I could have someone to share my pain with. You hate the way I go through things because I didn't want to inflict my aches with anyone including you. We used to fight for it. You wanted me to remember that I don't need to carry the weight of the world because I could always make you my outlet of frustrations. The one I could always vent out late.

You used to hate the way I showed up late. You wanted to spend every second of being together and wished not to waste much time waiting. You hate the way we have to end the night separately and the way you have to wait for a few days before we could see each other again.

You used to hate the way you see me cry. The way I am hurt. The way I am frustrated with my insecurities. You used to hate the way I break myself for others and the way you wish you could do so much better to heal me. You hate the way I have my silent battles and how you wished to could just crawl on my bed and just embrace me until I am back to my old self again.

Now things changed a lot so rapidly. They all went in such speed that broke into my doorstep when I was unprepared yet.

Now, there are still things that you hate about me.

You hate the way I have to flood you with messages and that you didn't care enough to reply. You hate the way I call you past midnight to tell you that I was sad. You hate the way I get too excited and the way I plan things for us.

Now, you hate the way I wish I could still save us. You hate the way I insist that maybe we just needed time to think and space. You hate the way I won't let go and the way I still hold on to what was loosening.

You hate the way you wished you could get out of my love and how I wanted to push myself in your corners.

You hate the way I keep trying.

You hate the way I won't let you go.

You hate the way I stay.

You hate the way I love you still.