POETRY THAT STAYS

I don't deserve you, he doesn't deserve me.

I can't let him listen to the same songs we shared underneath the sea of stars or the ones that play when we make love on the backseat of your car. I can't let him listen to our songs, or let him pluck the guitar on the chords that reminds me of you.

I can't let him inside my room with the same bed position, and same closet with your shirts I wore back to the days that i was almost dying from missing you. I never realized that your absence could kill me, until all I was left were your remnants, peeking on dusk and on carpets.

I can't let him meet my friends without letting him feel intimidated on how your ghost lingers in their indulgence. You know they liked you, they liked you for me. We shared enough drunk sessions over karaoke blurt outs and saw how close to perfection we were. I can't let him sit beside them when none of them likes to start such questions like so-how-long-have-you-been-together or how-much-do-you-love-her.

I can't let him go to the same cinema theatres we watched movies together, or on that roof top from the old deserted building where you told me first about your fears and dislikes. I can't let him go with me to the nearest sea because it was the same place who witnessed your love confession.

I can't love him,
using the same ways I did for you,
using the same words,
using the same affection and warmth,
using the same conviction.

I can't love him
the same way I loved you

and that you knew I gave you the best love this broken beating heart could give.

You collected me for years until I feel like I started to sound like my old self again.

But you've changed and that you stopped needing me

and you're gone now.

And i know I can't love him with the same fervid thing I did when I used to have you

but I'm going to love him with new feelings that may spring flowers although its autumn. I am going to love him on all the righteous ways possible because he never asked for my everything. He only asked for a bit and I saw him feel so happy. I am going to love him through poems because you were my poetry. I am going to love him where Saturn may lose count on its rings. I am going to love him where rains will never sound like sadness again. I am going to love him where unfamiliar sweetness could come out whenever I'm in his embrace.

And he is my knight in shining armour now.
He sweeps me off from my feet.

and
I might not love him
the same way I loved you

but
he loves me,

the
same
way
I want
you
to
love me.