POETRY THAT STAYS

To my dearest almost

Do you remember those days when we considered ourselves as an emerge count of stars that formed a universe?

I remember those times when we were both lost stars and we found each other on our way home.

Yes, it was you. Your astral form let me build my own constellation and accompany me in all the dark days I had.

But something happened, like a Big Bang theory. You were gone and we got lost again. I was just left behind, crashed and scattered all over the sky. I'm trying to find my way back to you, but I'm buried and stuck. Can't get out of this lifelessness.

And then I fell, realizing that you're not going back there—where we used to eat and share our favorite foods. Those times when I was on my mood swings and you were there—telling me that it will be alright. You always grasped my hands and held them tight. Yes, that was the time you gave me light. You gave me lot of reasons to fight, but that was before. I won't go back there anymore.

But the thoughts of you still linger on me, until now—your scent, the nostalgia everytime I see the clouds crying. I remember that somehow, it was me. I am that cloud, and the rain serves as the excruciating pain that still haunts me, and you were the sun, that gives me warmth everytime coldness afflicts me. It cringe me when I think all of the things that remind me of you, because it was all about you.

Now, I'm trying to forget all the reasons why I stayed there. In the place where you made me feel safe, how I drowned myself in the spirit of alcohol because of insanity, and how I made you my own galaxy.

I am now finding my way back not thinking what it might cause me. All I want is to go home and sleep, and never ever go back to that place, where I used to stay—in your arms that made me feel warm and cold at the same time. I just want now to recreate my own star—myself. And if the day comes you'd come back, remember all this words of mine;

I might always be the lost star you've met but I'm in the process of letting go of the darkness. Time will come that you'll go here and ask for forgiveness, but you will be sorry. I'm going to yield verses of my chapter much more than you'd expect. And maybe I will still be ruptured by the grief you've caused me but I will be fine, this will only take a short period of time.

After all this stabbing pain, I would be the strongest. It might take some time, but I'm saving all my efforts for this. Because when all of those stars get dimmed and weakened, that will be the time I will undim my light, and shine the brightest.