Let's Hurt Tonight

20

Amelia

It's been nearly a month and a half since I've seen Harry, maybe a little less. It's now December and I'm home from school. I was going to stay in the city since I'm paying rent, but I needed a break from Shannon. She's great and all but lately we've been getting on each others nerves. In order to keep the peace, we decided a little time apart was for the best. I wasn't offended or anything - it happens every year. Sometimes you just need a break if you're spending every second of every day with someone. There's nothing wrong with that. 

So here I am, at home, currently working at a Christmas tree farm in my town. It's not a bad job by any means, contrary to popular belief. I actually find myself enjoying it for the most part, minus how cold I get but I can deal with it. I would rather be cold than hot. 

Although I say that until I'm freezing...

The farm's owner, a bulky man with a big beard named Sage, always jokes about how I should take over the farm when I grow up since my last name is Christmas. It started when I first started working here, around when I was fourteen. But now that I'm older and I'm getting ready to graduate soon, I think Sage might be serious about me taking over. His wife, Cheryl, has mentioned to me several times that they are looking to settle down soon in Vermont, where they are from, so I get the hint they are trying to pass the farm off to me before they step back for good. I'm not sure their children are interested in the family business. 

I'll admit it's crossed my mind a few times, but it's not exactly my dream job. I'd love to go into writing novels, but recently I've been thinking about other plans. Part of me wants to apply to graduate schools to go back for another degree, but I wouldn't even know what degree I would want to apply for. Creative writing maybe? I think I'm only thinking about this because I'm desperate to have some sort of concrete plan. Right now everything is up in the air which makes me anxious. 

"Are you alright, Amelia?" Cheryl asks me, knocking me out of the trance I was in. 

I nod my head and blink my eyes a couple of times to come back to reality. The plump lady looks at me with big eyes and a warm smile that I can't help but return. 

"Yeah, I just got caught in my thoughts," I tell her honestly. 

"It's not about school is it?" She asks. I laugh and shake my head. "Good, because this is your vacation. You deserve a little break before you go back." 

I sigh.

 "I'm just stressed about what I'm doing after school. Like do I want to go back to school to get my masters? Do I want to work, and if so, where? My future is so uncertain," I admit, the word vomit tumbling out of my mouth. "I don't understand how everyone around me has it pulled together."

"You'll figure it out, sweetheart. It'll all come together. It always does even if you think you're completely lost," she reassures me in a motherly way. 

I force out a smile. 

"I hope so. It just feels like I'm running out of time," I tell her. 

"Well, what is it that you want to do? In life, I mean..." 

I purse my lips as I think. I don't even know how to answer that. There are so many things that I want to do and I don't know how to go about any of them. 

"That's a good question," I answer, laughing slightly. "Definitely writing. That's the dream."

"Well, then that's a start. You have the big picture. It's just working out the little details along the way that's stressful," Cheryl tells me. "One day you're going to experience something and have that 'a-ha' moment where you think ' this is what I need to do win order to reach my end goal' and then everything will fall into place. You're young. You have the whole world ahead of you still."