Let's Hurt Tonight

60

Harry

It's the following day and I wound up accidentally falling asleep at Amelia's. I was going to ask her to come back to the hotel with me last night but I grew sleepy and fell asleep on her bed while she was working on her thesis paper. I woke up with her purple blanket around my body and then decided to just spend the day with her here. 

I have only a couple of days until I have to leave for London again. I can physically feel the time dwindling and it's driving me crazy. I know that I won't be gone for long this time but every time I have to leave Amelia I feel weird about it. I wish there was a way for her to be with me wherever I go but that's unrealistic and selfish of me. 

It's also selfish of me to want Amelia all to myself while we are in her apartment. The two of us are sitting in her living room, watching Love Actually on the television, and of course Shannon decided to join us. I know I shouldn't mind Amelia's friends because I want them to like me, but Shannon leaves me with an uneasy feeling. I'd much rather be with Amelia's family or hang out with her and Christian. I've only met him once but he seems nice from what Amelia has told me and I don't have to worry about him making a move on Amelia because, well, he doesn't particular like women in that way.

"I've always loved this movie," Shannon sighs. "Romance is just so...sweet." 

"How's Freddie been?" Amelia asks, nonchalantly. 

Shannon's eyes dart over to me in shock, like she's appalled Amelia would even bring this guy up in front of me. 

"Good," she replies, shortly. 

Amelia looks over at her with an amused expression. 

"Just good? You were just swooning over him recently and talking about how much you want to marry him," she says. She laughs, completely oblivious to Shannon's resentment towards her right now. 

"Yeah, I mean...things can change. But he's good. I might see him later. I don't know yet," Shannon responds. 

"Who's Freddie?" I ask, although I have a feeling I already know. 

"Shannon's boyfriend," Amelia tells me. "They're crazy about each other. They're always giving each other cute looks and calling each other these adorable names-"

"Amelia," Shannon says, her face turning ten shade of red deeper. 

So not only does Shannon try to flirt with me when she knows I am dating her best friend but she also has a boyfriend of her own. My distaste for the girl is growing. I try really hard not to judge or hate other people but some are more challenging than others to look past. 

"That's wonderful you're dating someone, Shannon!" I tell her, giving her a tight smile. "I hope it works out with you and Freddie. It's definitely a wonderful feeling to find your other half." 

I pull Amelia closer to me, my grip around her waist tightening. I'm trying really hard to treat Shannon with kindness but it's just coming out fake and I don't know if that's better or worse. I wish I could just talk to Amelia about all of this but I wouldn't even know what to say. I don't want to break their friendship up or be the reason that something happens in between them.

"Yeah, it must be nice.." Shannon mutters. 

The three of us sit in silence for a little while longer while we watch the movie. I feel Shannon's eyes drift over to Amelia and I on occasion but I ignore them. It's nothing I haven't dealt with before. It's just unfortunate that we're in private and it's still happening. 

I feel myself beginning to drift of to sleep again when Amelia shifts in my arms. 

"I'll be right back," she tells me. 

She kisses my cheek before standing up and exiting the room. As the bathroom door closes, Shannon shifts in her seat so her body is facing me more head on than it was before. I fiddle with my rings out of nerves, knowing she's probably going to spark some kind of conversation. 

"You and Amelia really like each other, huh," Shannon says.

I nod, awkwardly. 

"Yup," I respond. 

"I always found it interesting how someone like you could like someone like her since she's not famous or anything," she continues. I aggressively turn my rose ring around my finger to keep me from saying anything I'd regret. "I mean, it's gotta take a lot of trust. After all, she is writing her thesis paper on you. I don't even know if I'd want her writing about me because it'll be published by the University and all. It must be a lot of pressure," she laughs.

My eyes snap over to her. What is she talking about?

"What?" I ask. 

"Oh, she didn't tell you? She's writing her big senior paper on you, basically writing everything about you and your life. I figured she would have told you since it's pretty personal. I read some of it and it's...well it's a lot," she says.

Amelia's writing her paper on me? Her paper that the University is going to publish? I knew she had to pick someone to write about but I didn't expect it to be me. But she wouldn't write about all of our intimate and personal details, would she? I just can't see her including all of my private information. 

"You're lying," is all I say. 

Shannon shakes her head. 

"Nope," she says. "Why do you think she wanted to hang out so much with you when you first met? I mean, I'm sure she likes you and all now but back then? I mean she didn't even want a relationship when you met...she's having a hard enough time saying she loves you, after all."

My mind is spinning. Shannon has to be lying. But at the same time, she's not wrong that Amelia didn't want a relationship when we first met. She didn't want to move too fast but what if that was because she just wanted to use me for her paper so she could have all these details no one else has? Is this really why she hasn't said she loves me back?

It can't be though. Amelia is too real to do this. There has to be another explanation, but yet I can't find one. Maybe it's because I'm lost in my own thoughts right now I can't think properly. I feel like vomiting or ripping all of my hair out or maybe even passing out. I'm so overwhelmed with the hurt feeling that pangs in my heart. 

I know I need to talk to Amelia but I need to process this on my own right now. I need to be away from Shannon and this apartment. 

"I - uh - I forgot I have a meeting with my manager. Tell Amelia I'll call her later," I lie. 

I quickly stand up before Amelia gets out of the bathroom, and rush to the door to put my shoes on. Then I exit the apartment without uttering a single goodbye. 

Maybe I'm overreacting and maybe Shannon is lying. But at the same time, I can't shake the feeling that maybe Amelia really is using me.