Let's Hurt Tonight

51

Harry

I fiddle with the rings on my fingers, specifically with the rose one that Amelia got me for Christmas. It's easily my favorite one out of the lot of them that I wear. I know that she must have spent a lot on it, and knowing her she took her time really choosing what to get me. This wasn't just a random buy.

"Do you think Amelia would move in with me?" I ask Robin out of nowhere.

The two of us sit in the lounge of the house, catching up while the girls are out. They should have been back already but I have a feeling that they actually wound up going to the bakery. I don't mind really, but I know that picture of me is still hanging up there. Plus I don't know what the shop owners will say about me. There must be hundreds of embarrassing stories they can tell. The amount of times I have screwed up by dropping trays of cookies or burning loaves of bread is unbelievable.

Robin looks over at me, a surprised look on his face.

"Harry, you've only been together for - what - three months?" he asks.

"Almost four," I mumble. "But technically we've known each other for more than six..."

"Isn't that a little...soon to ask her to move in with you?"

I sigh, heavily. 

I know he's right. I don't want to move this fast because I know it's probably not what Amelia wants but I can't help it. I feel like I'm slipping through the cracks, especially with this tour coming up. There's just something comforting about the thought of Amelia waiting for me at home, and sharing a space together. Maybe I am trying to rush things but my career is making me crazy. I love it, but I don't have much time to take things slow. 

I'm so scared of losing her that I'm willing to risk taking that next step even if it might be pushing things. I've never felt like this before in my life so this is the only way I know how to deal with these new feelings. 

"Maybe," I say. "I was looking at apartments in Manhattan so I could be close to her but - but then I got the idea of asking her to move in with me. Technically it would be more her place than mine but...I still want her there..."

Robin gives me a sad smile and adjusts himself in the chair he is sat in so he can look at me better. He looks tired today, not even from being sick, but from dealing with me talking about Amelia obsessively. I'm sure I have been driving him up a wall by constantly talking about her, but I seriously cannot help it. It just spews out like word vomit. 

"Harry, never in my life have I heard you talk about a girl as much as you do Amelia," he says to me, laughing a bit at the end of his sentence. My face flushes slightly from embarrassment. "Do you love her?" he asks, much like Gemma did yesterday.

His question takes me back a little. 

Am I that transparent? 

I blink a couple of times while I try to get my thoughts in order. I, of course, already know the answer to that question but it's just admitting it that's difficult.

"Yes," I breathe, feeling more comfortable admitting it outright to Robin.

When I first saw Amelia walking on the sidewalk only six months ago, she stole all of my breath away. Previously I had thought only girls, or I suppose people in general, like that lived in my dreams. That kind of physical perfection just wasn't something I ever came across before. She had lived with me in my daydreams but I didn't know who she was until I actually saw her. 

I think I originally brushed it off as something purely physical. So I left the note on her phone, which was fate that she had dropped it, in hopes of releasing some sort of pent up sexual frustration I had. I wouldn't have pursued her further if she really wasn't interested but I hoped that she was. Little did I know that she would offer to buy me drinks and I would slowly fall in love with her mentally, emotionally, and physically. 

I don't know if I necessarily believe in heaven but I'd like to believe that there was an angel looking down at us, pulling some strings so that we'd meet. 

"Then you need to tell her," Robin tells me with a serious expression on his face. "I think she deserves to know before you ask her to move in, don't you?"

I shrug.

"I don't know...I mean, yes I want to tell her, but I don't think she feels the same. She wanted to take it slow at first and I rushed into things. I don't know if telling her I love her right this minute is the best idea," I admit.

The words have been dancing on my lips for a while now. I've let them slip a couple of times while she was asleep just to test out how they sound, and fuck do I like the way it feels to say them out loud. The only thing I think I'd like better is to hear her say them back...

"Do you want my honest opinion?" Robin asks me. I nod. "If you ask her to move in without knowing how she feels, you're pressuring her into feeling a certain type of way. You want her to live with you because you want her to be there for you and because you want to spend time with her. But you also need to want her to want to move in with you. Does that make sense? You already know where your head is at but you need to find out what she feels."

I frown.

"But wouldn't her response be enough to find out what she feels about moving in with me?" I ask.

Robin shrugs.

"Yes and no, but it's putting her in an uncomfortable position, nonetheless," he sighs. "Listen, I'll support whatever you decide but take my advice into consideration. You don't have to have this conversation with her now, but...she might be more ready than you think."

I narrow my eyes at Robin, mulling over his words.

She might be more ready that I think. 

What does that even mean?

"What do you know that I don't?" I ask him.

Robin laughs, finding amusement out of my suspicion.

"I don't know what you're talking about," he lies.

My eyes flicker across the room as I think. He definitely knows something. But how?

"The night you and her met. You were outside talking for a while. Did she say something?" I question him.

"That conversation will go with me to my grave," Robin comments, holding his hands in the air. He has a smile on his face but I still feel unsettled by his remark. "That is between me and my friend Amelia."

I groan dramatically and lean back into the couch, hard. I know I'm being nosey but I simply cannot help it.

I'm cut off from feeling sorry for myself when the door to the house opens. I quickly sit up, Robin laughing away from across the room. In a couple of seconds, Mum, Gemma, and Amelia walk into the room, all smiling like they had a good time out.

"Harold, you have a quality girlfriend and we are officially best friends," Gemma announces, sitting down on the couch.

Amelia sits down in between us and I quickly lean in to kiss her, going through withdrawals from only being away from her for a couple hours.

"I'm glad you two got along," I say to the both of them.

I always knew that they would get along. Sure I had my doubts, but only because I was nervous about having Amelia meet my family. I'm sure she felt the same way when I met her family.

"We're planing to get together when we're back in New York," Amelia tells me.

"Is that so?" I ask.

"I'm going to crash at her place," Gemma tells me, raising her eyebrows at me, knowing very well that I want to buy an apartment for Amelia and I.

My face flushes but I try to ignore it and pray to God, or whoever, that Amelia didn't notice..

"I'm happy to hear that," I awkwardly respond.

Amelia slips her hand into mine as her and Gemma start up a conversation about what they'll do in New York. I'm grateful that she doesn't notice my tension. I shouldn't be as uptight as I am but now I feel stuck after my conversation with Robin. I'm digging myself into a hole with my feelings and maybe he's right. Maybe it is better to tell her how I feel.

The only question is when.