Let's Hurt Tonight

54

Harry

She doesn't love me.

I'm an idiot. I rushed things. She wasn't ready for a relationship when I was. She wanted to go slow when I wanted to speed things up. I'm the one that asked her to spend the night with me first. I wouldn't even be surprised if I was the one to initiate the first time we had sex, although I can't quite remember. But chances are I pushed it.

I'm overthinking everything and I have been since I left Amelia. It took everything in me not to breakdown on the plane. I didn't have a private suite this time. I was out in first class and didn't want to be seen by a fan, sobbing in my seat. So I waited until I got home to completely break down.

I don't think I'm heartbroken. Just because Amelia didn't say it back doesn't mean she doesn't love me, right? Of course I would never pressure her into saying anything, but it definitely hurt being met with silence.

She sounded like she was going to say it back but then something held her from doing so. Maybe it was nerves or maybe it's because she just doesn't love me back. Either or, it hurts like hell.

I rummage through the cabinets in my kitchen, carelessly going through them. Finally, I find what I'm looking for. A bottle of tequila. It's not my favorite, but it's what I have. I rarely drink anymore, but I'm glad I still have this bottle because I need something to dull my pain.

I don't bother with shot glasses or anything like that. Rather, I pull out a yellow mug from the cabinet above the counter and fill it to the brim with the clear liquid. I immediately chug probably half of it, before vomiting slightly in my mouth. It's bloody disgusting, but anything's better than what I feel emotionally.

I wait a while for the alcohol to take it's effect, but when it does it does the complete opposite of what I thought it would. Tears stream down my face and I can't fucking stop them. I desperately grab my phone off the counter and dial Mitch.

"Hey Harry!" he says on the other end after three rings.

"Mitch," I say, my voice cracking.

"Harry? What's wrong?"

I don't respond, but rather I start silently crying again. Mitch must know something's going on though because he tells me he's coming over. Within ten minutes he's at my door, pounding on it for me to let him in.

I stumble over and pull it open, Mitch practically falling inside. He looks at me and a deep level of concern crosses his features.

"What's going on?" He asks.

I walk further into my house and throw myself into my couch. I grab the mug besides me on the table and take a big sip, the tequila burning as it goes down. I need to fill it back up. I nearly finished it while waiting for Mitch to come over.

"She doesn't love me," is all I can say.

Mitch's eyebrows furrow out of confusion.

"She broke up with you?" He asks quietly, his eyes wide with worry.

My eyes snap to him.

"No," I tell him. "I just - I told her I loved her and she didn't say it back," I say, feeling emotional again. "She doesn't love me," I whisper.

Mitch sighs and leans back in the chair he's sitting in. He wears a small smile, causing me to question why.

"Harry, you're being dramatic," he tells me.

I scoff.

"I am no-"

"You are, Harry," he cuts me off. "You're crying your eyes out and getting drunk because she didn't say she loved you back. She didn't break up with you."

"It feels like she did," I mutter.

Mitch sighs.

"Harry, I love ya man, but you're in too deep. Listen, I know Amelia - not as well as you obviously but I've gotten to know her - and she just needs time, that's all. She might have gotten spooked or something, I dunno, but just give her space and she'll come around," he tells me.

I look at him with sad eyes. The alcohol is just fueling my emotions right now. Maybe I am being dramatic, but I can't help it.

"I'm in love with her," I slur. "I want her to love me back as much as I love her."

Mitch laughs slightly.

"That's the funny thing about love, Harry. You can't force it. You already know that," he says. "Give her time. She probably wants to tell you in some special way or something."

A special way.

"Oh God," I groan. I bury my head in my hands, tugging at my curls. "I didn't even tell her in a special way. I told her as I was leaving. I'm a fucking moron."

I can't see it but I can sense Mitch rolling his eyes at me.

"Oh God, Harry, you're twisting what I'm saying," Mitch complains. "You two will have your special moment soon enough, yeah?"

My tears temporarily halt at the mention of having my own special moment with Amelia. My heart aches at the thought of getting to hear her say she loves me back. Mitch is right. She's just not ready right now. This has nothing to do with me, per say. She just needs time to process and I have to give that to her.

"I'm sorry," I drunkenly tell Mitch, slowly coming to my senses. Maybe I was being a bit dramatic by chugging half a bottle of tequila and calling my friend over so I could cry my eyes out. "When did I become so soft?"

Mitch smiles at me sadly and leans forward in the chair he's in while I wipe away the remaining tears that cling to my cheeks.

"When you found someone worth becoming soft for," he tells me seriously.

...

Sorry, this is just a filler chapter!! Next one will be longer :)