Is it love? - Ryan. Dangerous to Love.

Let me carry you

Ryan's POV.

When I arrived back to the hospital, Kate was asleep. I was away for nearly half of the day but Lisa, Matt and Jake kept her company. I should talk to Matt how everything went mostly with Lisa but I can guess that it was hard having seen Lisa's tired,teary eyes. Kate was protecting Lisa and Matt. She wasn't just ashamed but she was worried about hurting them too much. But now it was inevitable. I don't know whether Jake stayed or not while they were talking about everything. But better to find out.

"Jake, you have a minute? "

He looked at me,nodded and left the room with me.
"How is Kate? Were you there when she told everything to Lisa and Matt?"

"Yeah,I was. And it was even horrible to hear for me Ryan. You can guess how Lisa reacted. She wasn't angry with her or anything but"

"But it broke her heart. As Kate was imagining it earlier. She kept everything a secret because she knows what a burden it is to hold. "

Jake seems really sad too. But Kate is his friend too. And Kate also told me earlier that Jake had feelings for her. I always try not to be jealous. Jake cares for her and she protects her from everything. It's better to have a bodyguard who we have a friendship established already.

"I am sorry Jake. I know it must have been hard for you too. But we must help Kate to get over everything and heal. "

As we finished our conversation, I went back to Kate's room. Matt and Lisa seems extremely tired. But they are here with Kate for 5 hours minimum.

"You should have rest guys. It must have been a hard day for you and for her as well. I am not going anywhere else today so you can really go home and rest. And digest everything. Because she didn't want to break you. But keeping it a secret,just broke her more. "

Lisa smiled a bit but told me:
"I wanna stay. At least until she wakes up. I just couldn't tell her everything what I should have told her when she was awake. "

Matt told us that he will go home and sleep for a bit but he will come back later. I sent Jake home for some hours too because he watches over us through the night. So I was alone with Lisa. She didn't say anything just holding Kate's hand.

"It's okay Lisa. It will be okay. She kept secrets from you because she was afraid of hurting you this much. She never wanted to keep secrets. You know her. She is all about honesty. And it killed her inside to keep these secrets."

" I know Ryan. I am not angry at her. I am angry at myself. I respected her not to get all the info out of Matt while it was visible and obvious how much she was suffering. Some things she told me, I was noticing them when they were happening. And I didn't do anything. I don't even deserve to be called her friend. I never wanted to push her into things she doesn't wanna do. I always believed that when she doesn't want to tell me something, I need to let her be because she wants to deal with them on her own. But she never dealt with anything. And I never did anything. "

That's what Kate was so afraid of. I try to reason with Lisa.
"It's not true Lisa. You did what she made you believe that that's the best for her. Never beat yourself up because of respecting what she asked you. You know her. You knew that the best for her was not to be pushed or forced to do or speak about anything she doesn't want to. She is not her because of you. She is not dealing with depression because of you Lisa. You are one of the best people in her life that she loves honestly. And now the hardest will be for you to show her strength. Not just show but give her strength. I could have easily broke down a week ago when all this shit started. But I can't let myself break. Because of her. She needs all of her friends to be strong for her and to make her believe that we can help her carry the weight that's on her shoulders. She has hell of a ride ahead. And she needs stability. More than anything. I want you to know Lisa that you can count on me. And I am pretty sure that you can count on Matt as well. You don't have to deal with this alone while showing Kate that you are alright because you can't fool her. When you feel down, just call me. And don't be afraid of her now. Cause I know her state is scary.  It's scary for me too to see her this fragile.  But I could never leave her alone to suffer this alone. And I know you wouldn't either. "

I just realised that Lisa is crying. It's hard for her too,I really know.
"Hey, come here,let me give you a hug. We got this. We need to focus on cheering her up and making her feel loved. Deal?"

I hugged Lisa to comfort her. I am not a hugging person but I already let her close to me so it's not disturbing to hug Lisa. For some minutes, she is just crying silently. Then steps back from me and looked into my eyes:
"Thank you Ryan. I am happy that you are with Kate. She deserves the best. I try to be strong for her, I just need to deal with my guilt. I won't say it will be easy but she needs me now as well as you. And this time I won't let go of her. Not even when she asks for it. "

We were just sitting there for maybe half an hour than my love woke up.
Lisa smiled at her instantly and asked:
"Hey sweetie, slept well? "

At first Kate seemed not to understand Lisa's cheerfulness but then smiled back:
"It was good. But how are you? I didn't think you will stay till I wake up. I love you. Really. Sorry Lisa. For everything."

I could see that she started to cry but Lisa realised it too and tried to calm her down instantly.
"It's okay sweetie. Sshhh. Calm down. I am here. I won't leave you. I try to be the friend you need. Just try to be strong okay? And if we both try, we will get out of this alive and happy. And we will go to Starlite as soon as we can. Colin says hi and get well soon. He wants you to be on their next concert. So we really need to get ourselves back together. Okay honey?"

Kate just smiled and I can't be more thankful to Lisa that she could be this strong not to show Kate how broken she is now.
There were some girl talk about work,  and Colin's band and they tried to avoid any serious topics. After an hour, Lisa said goodbye, hugged both Kate and me and went home to rest. She had a tiring day physically and emotionally as well. She has a lot to process and I have my evening together with my angel.

"I got you a surprise baby. Guess what?"
I got the soft, white blanket out of its bag. I got that one smile that I was sure of getting because of a simple fluffy blanket.

"I love it Ryan. You really wanna make me happier don't you? I thought we have enough fluffy blankets at home."
She said it with a huge smile to mock me.

"Yeah,we have. But not here. So this hospital room really needed some designer touch. And your nightstand also looks out of style so maybe it will decorate it well too. "
And as I handed her the turquoise mug, I got that second smile.
I love when she is so predictable and easy to please. Of course I brought her some tea as well and a mug for myself too. I covered her with the blanket and made her a green tea and decided to snuggle her. It's already late,she got her medicines for the night so no one will disturb us. Jake is in front of the room and doesn't let anyone in. So I get the chance to warm my baby up.
I kick down my shoes and smile at her:
"Make some room,babe. I wanna try out that fluffiness myself too. "

"With pleasure mister. I really missed you today. And missed you being this close to me too. This bed is made for two don't you think?" She asked with a huge smile on her face.

"I hope so, love. Because I am not planning on leaving you alone in this huge bed only by yourself."

We were talking all evening, listening some music together with earphones and I just hugged her tightly to make her feel as protected as she can feel.
Because I will protect her. No matter what.