Is it love? - Ryan. Dangerous to Love.

Not strong enough.

Ryan's POV.

The first thing that came to my mind as I saw her laying on the floor covered in blood that I need to get help immediately. But I don't know anyone around. Fuck. I can't lose her. God, don't take her away from me.
My only hope was James. I quickly called him and he answered immediately.
I was confused and all I could just mumble to him that Kate cut through her veins and I just don't know how to help. I was freaked out. But James tried to calm me as much as he could.

"It's not sure that she could cut it deep. You have to make a pressure bandage for her wrist Ryan. "

But I was like deaf to the things James told me. I was so terrified.
"I don't know how to do it James. I will lose her James. She doesn't even respond to me."

"Calm down Ryan. Get yourself together or you will lose her. Hear me Ryan? You need to concentrate. You need to find a cloth or some kind of a heavy fabric material that won't soak in blood in a minute. When you found it, put it on her wrist and bandage it as strong as you just can. And get in the car and drive to the closest hospital. You are in Perth as I remember. I think there's only one hospital. Now do what I told you. I make some calls for some contacts. Just stay calm Ryan. I trust you. Kate needs you. "

And then we hung up. I immediately started to search for something for her wrist and I quickly made the pressure bandage and carried her to the car.
I searched for the hospital which was a 10 minute drive away. I drive as fast as I can, while checking on her.
She is unconscious. I am not sure why, cause she couldn't lose so much blood already. I am worried as hell.
I am not even trying to call her and talk to her cause she is absolutely not responsive. So I just pray while I drive.

As I finally reached the hospital,there were a lot of people around.
I made a way towards the entrance and rushed to the first nurse I saw.
I quickly told her everything while they have immediately taken Kate away.
The nurse tried to calm me cause I was just pacing up and down the corridor but all I could do is wait.
In the waiting, James called again to make sure we got here and that miraculously he had some contacts here as well and he told the doctor our situation to guarantee privacy and no press for us. Of course I don't have to deal with huge amounts of paparazzi here in Scotland but we meet them time by time. And I don't need them to find out about this. We have enough problems. I need to call the ones we would have a meeting with. But all I can think is Kate. I decide on writing a message to both of them to tell them how sorry I am but my fiance had an accident so we must postpone the meeting.
What keeps them inside this long? I need to see Kate.
I need to talk to Jake as well. He had a lunch break when all this happened.
I just don't know how to tell this to anyone. I am so bad at this. And I just don't want anyone to ask questions. I want silence. I want Kate in my arms. I feel guilty. I wasn't next to her. I couldn't stop her. I didn't make her strong enough. I want her to be okay. I want to hold his hand in mine. I want to caress her beautiful cheeks and tell her how much I want her to be okay and to be my wife.
Please God, don't let her leave me like that. She can't leave like that. She has so much to do in this world God. She is strong. And brave. And honest. And pure. And loving. She is my everything. Please don't take her away from me.

As I was falling apart, someone came towards me.
"Mr Carter? I am Dr.Daniels. James told me your situation so I don't burden you with the questions which would be necessary now. We put Kate in a separate room. Her injuries were treated at the right time. She lost blood so we need to give her some but after that, she is free to leave tomorrow. It's the side of the hospital. Now from the side of me as a psychologist she needs therapy. I would advice therapy to everyone who committed a suicide attempt. We could keep her in the hospital but that's only you who know whether it's beneficial for her or not. So the choice is yours. Whatever happens, you need to fill this form in about the details and any medical information and I prescribe her sedatives and anxiety pills cause after this she will be as fragile as maybe never before. You have to keep a steady eye on her, never leaving her alone, don't push her to do anything and whenever she seems on edge, just get her to sleep. Sounds bad as it is but time heals as well. She will start to get tired of the sedatives and will have to deal with the problem itself. With the help of a professional.
Anything that I can help you with ?"

"No,thanks. Can I see her?"

"Of course. She is in room 189. She won't wake up for hours but she may hear you. "

"Yeah, thanks. I'll talk to you later if anything is not clear for me."

And as we said goodbye, I felt that we are not even back at square one. One battle is lost. She will get back on the emotional ride again but I am told to sedate her whenever she is freaked out. How can I help her while not making her hate me?
As I reached her door and went in she looked peaceful but pale as never before.
I am terrified. Of what comes next. I am not strong enough. Tomorrow I will have to bring her home. But to which home I am not even sure of. Should we fly back to New York or should we stay here? She is not safe from those stalkers back in New York but she is not safe from herself in neither of the cities.

Let's give us a week. That was my only idea.

Tomorrow I bring her home here in Scotland and try to contact a psychologist here. I have no other idea.
Just patience.

4 days later....

We came home some days ago and..our days are pure hell. Kate cries a lot. She is angry and sad and angry and sad and all these two in cycles. We use those sedatives. Sometimes 3 times a day. We didn't have a happy moment. I am weak.  Physically and emotionally as well. I am not angry. I am extremely sad for her. I feel her sorrow burning in my veins as well as it would be mine as well. And she doesn't really speak. I try talking to her but without a success. Whenever she is sad, she cries. Whenever she is angry, she cries. And how can I make a difference? Cause she hurts herself. She is digging her nails into her flesh again and she is scratching herself. So as she sleeps, I have to file her nails not to be able to hurt herself. And after I made her nails as short as I just could, I just hold her tiny hands in mine and cry. Because I cry too. I have been crying in all the last three days cause I can't keep myself together for a whole day. After I need to sedate the love of my life not to hurt herself anymore, I just hold her in my arms and cry.
I pray to God and I am sure He counts all my tears but He is working on a much bigger plan for us. Which includes sorrow. For her and for me as well. We both need help. The doctor's words linger in my head that she needs help. And of course I know that. But until this point I had no idea how to start looking for someone to help. But now God just shines a light on it.
I search for it immediately and this town only has one result.
Thank you Lord. You helped me to choose.
My printer is already working and in seconds our hope is on the desk.

'Dr. Elijah Smith
Christian psychologist'