Is it love? - Ryan. Dangerous to Love.

Fight Fear

Kate's POV

Matt made me think through everything how I behaved with Ryan. I can't lose him. I don't want to lose him. All these years this depression just took away everything from me. It took away the ground under my feet. So I just had enough. After I asked Matt for the Bible what the psychologist left me, I started to read it but then stopped.

"Matt. Can you come in for a bit?" I asked him to come to my room.

"Are you alright angel?" He sounded worried but all the people talking to me nowadays sound worried. They sure have a reason to be. But I smiled to Matt to calm him down.

"It's alright, Matt. I just need to know something. Did Ryan leave you the phone number of the psychologist?"
He looked surprised but one of his cutest smiles came to his face.

"Of course angel. Do you want me to call him?"

"No. I want to call him. I need to arrange this by myself. I can't have everything taken care of. I have some things that I have to take care of."

Matt just nodded and handed me the phone number so I immediately called him.

"Dr. Smith? I am Katherine Gray. We have met once, I am the fiancé of Ryan Carter. I don't know whether you remember.."

"Of course Kate. I remember. And I couldn't be happier to hear about you. How can I help you?"

"I would like to have another meeting. It's hard to talk about this on the phone. I need to talk to you and... I need help."

"That's the best thing I hear today. Of course you don't have to tell anything through the phone, don't worry. I am free in the afternoon if that's good for you too. Around 3pm?"

"Sounds good to me. Thanks in advance."

"There's no need to thank for me. You know who to thank. See you in the afternoon Kate. God bless you. "

I don't know how I should feel. Maybe afraid. Maybe anxious. Maybe relieved. And hopeful. I asked for help. I need help. I need to save myself. No. I need God to save me.
I feel happy that I could call him. Matt was eavesdropping but I can't be angry at him for it. He immediately came into the room after I finished and hugged me so hard I could hardly breathe.

"I am so proud of you angel. It's an amazing step you could do and we will be here with you no matter what happens,I hope you know that."

"How could I forget Matt? You just flew over the world for me. And Ryan..he just knew what I need and made you fly over the world. I don't understand how I deserve this much love after I've done to both of you. "

"Shhh..don't even start. We love you. That's it. There's no need for reasons. We could all ask this questions from ourselves because hardly anyone feels worthy of being loved. But we just have to accept. And bathe in that love and give our love to as many as we can. Isn't it why we are here in this world? You remember what my parents used to say to us?"

And with the perfect harmony and sadness we just said, while I was looking down at the floor:
'If either of them falls down,
one can help the other up.'

My tears just started flooding. It's a verse from the bible that Matt's parents used to say to us when we had a fight or had rough times. They made us remember and recite this to them all the time. And somehow after we said it out loud, God just solved every problem we had. We have never said this after our parents died. We felt that this sentence lost its magical power that it had while we were kids. We felt that there's no one who can help us back up after we lost the most precious thing in our lives. But right now, we started to believe. Matt's family and mine were close friends. We went to church together every Sunday. And the same sentence comes again. Until our parents died. When Matt's parents died I was so angry too that we both protested against faith. And some years later, I had to live through the hell, Matt had to live through. And I am still in a battle with this grief. But Matt was my hope.