Is it love? - Ryan. Dangerous to Love.

Just a little rest

Kate's POV.

I had a terrible night. I had nightmares that I couldn't really remember but the fear they left behind. Ryan didn't sleep at night, he was sitting next to my bed cause I woke up 3 or 4 times because of these nightmares.
He tried to calm me down every time I was nearly crying.
But as these secrets unveiled and I understood the threats behind them, I became really terrified. And not just because of them but because of the fact that I knew that Brad is behind it. Brad was the one who already hurt me, who everyone thinks wanted to kill me but it's only me who knows that Brad didn't want to kill me. He cut my wrist for a reason. To make me remember everything that he made me live through. I was hurting myself constantly when I was with him. So he wants me to start it all over again because of him. He doesn't wanna be the one to blame but wants me to be blamed for hurting myself again. And I am full of fears because of it. Because I am not strong enough. He knows well how fragile I am and how easily I could start hurting myself again. So he hurt me to make me remember how it feels to look at your wrists and hide them and feel ashamed even though it wasn't me who did it this time.
But Ryan is the one that brought a change in my life. I became a bit stronger, a bit more secure and felt loved and I could love as well. Before I met Ryan, I thought that I lost my capability to love.
As I was thinking about all this turmoil in me, Ryan realised that I am awake again. It is the third time I wake during the night,it's only 3 am.
He asked me in a worried tone:
"What's wrong? Tell me sweetheart. Have you slept at all? I can't even count how many times were you awake. Just tell me what's wrong."

But I just snuggled under my blanket. I didn't turn away just whispered:
"Nothing. Just can't sleep. But you should. You haven't slept either, Ryan."

"I will have plenty of time to sleep. But only now I can be next to you while you have nightmares. Don't worry about it. We will rest a lot in Scotland."
He gave me one of his cutest smiles that melts my heart instantly. He doesn't care that it's the middle of the night,he is by my side all the time when he can be.
He squeezed my hand and said:
"You are the one that needs to sleep baby. You haven't really slept and we will have busy days packing and leaving. "

"Ryan, you know we need to talk."

"I know. And we will. When it's time. Now it's time for you to sleep. We will have all the time we need to talk Kate. Just please not now in the middle of the night while you are hell tired as well as me."

"I can't sleep. I am afraid."
I just whispered it to him but he heard it well and curled up next to me in the bed and hugged me tight. And for the first time in the night, I could sleep without nightmares. And thank God,Ryan had fallen asleep as well. He needed a bit sleep too.

Some hours later,it was James who woke us with a cheerful voice:
"Morning guys. Ryan, you can be grateful that you are my friend, so you can sleep in that bed next to that beautiful lady."

Ryan just grinned at James and quickly left my bed and rearranged his black suit.
James now focused on me:
"How are you Kate? I believe Ryan told you that you can leave today but only if you don't feel any pain anymore. Your brain injury and your physical injuries seem to be healed all the way,it's just your wrist that I am worried about."

"Thanks James but I think I will be fine. Just keep the bandage on for some more days with sanitation regularly."
I told him like something I studied before. He just smiled and nodded:
"You know everything. You can pack your stuff while we arrange all the paperwork. I know you are leaving in a few days but until then be extra careful and call me whatever happens or any pain you feel. Now I let you pack. I'll be back soon."

Ryan came closer and asked me in a careful voice:
"You know how to take care of your wrist or should I look for a nurse?"

I think he already knew the answer but he had to ask me to make sure:
"Unfortunately, I know Ryan. I had to do it many times myself."
I looked down in shame but he immediately held my hand and lifted my chin to look him in the eye.
"Never be ashamed of your past. None of it was your fault Kate. Whatever happened to you was in the past. And God wants you to be here alive. He made you live through those horrible things not to give up. Now we pack and leave this ugly hospital room and rest for some days before leaving to Scotland. Deal?"

I just hugged him and whispered:
"Deal."

And we started to pack everything without saying anything. Sometimes it's also good to just stay silent.
Now it was a perfect time for it.

As we left the hospital, Ryan led me to the parking lot where Jake was already waiting for us. I guessed that he will stay with us from now on until everything gets solved. I don't know whether he will come with us to Scotland too or not.
Ryan sits with me at the back and we listen to music on our way. We love listening to music together, we share the same taste, what makes everything easier. He pulled me close and I instantly snuggled up to him and I got lost in the moment so much that I haven't realised that we are not driving towards our building but to the countryside.
"Where are we going?"

Ryan just smiled.
"Suprise. Somewhere to have plenty of sleep. New York is too noisy for both us right now. But no more questions. Just enjoy the ride. It's not that far away."

As always,I had fallen asleep during our ride and didn't even wake up when Ryan carried me to bed.
He didn't wake me up just snuggled next to me and we slept for some hours.
It was around 3 in the afternoon when we finally woke. We woke up together nearly at the same time.
Ryan kissed me on my cheek and it was the most calming thing to hear his sweet voice:
"Good morning beautiful. Slept well? I didn't want to wake you so I decided to join. Coffee?"

That was the key to my heart today. I could be bought by coffee so I smiled and nodded immediately.
Another smile appeared on my face when I saw that I am covered in my fluffy blanket and a cute plush cat is next to me in our huge bed. I still didn't really know where exactly we are but the sun is shining brightly through the huge wooden windows. Ryan handed me a soft robe and invited me to make coffee together and explore where exactly we are.
We were in a cute forest home with all the necessary equipments, next to a beautiful little lake. The house has a huge bedroom,a romantic bathroom and a nice,spacious kitchen which I immediately realised that it's all equipped and full of fresh food,and all the variety of vegetables and the best types of coffees. The kitchen is together with the living room where there was an amazing black piano. I learnt how to play the piano, but I was mostly singing during my teenage years. I stopped singing when my parents died. I never really sang since then. It was surprising that there was a piano but what was more surprising that while I offered Ryan to make our coffee, he sat down next to the piano and started playing on it. He started playing Moonlight Sonata and then everything just hit me. Tears were rolling down on my cheeks. He couldn't know but Moonlight Sonata was my favourite piece ever written and it was the last piece I played on my piano back at our house before our accident. I never listened to that piece ever again since that time but now,when my love was playing it with its full gloominess.
He wasn't planning on making me sad I am sure of that. He stopped playing as he saw that I am crying.
"Heey,I am sorry. I didn't want to make you sad. It's just. It's my favourite piece. This was our piano when I was a kid. We used to come here with my parents and just escape from all of our problems. "

"I love Moonlight Sonata too. It was the last piece I played before our accident. We both have memories with this. I just remembered that last time. I need to work through things not just cover up everything. "

"And we will sweetheart. We both have work to do on our souls. You know my parents died but you didn't know that my dad got cancer and after he died, my mum committed suicide when I was 15. I know what it's like to grieve. And I help you through it if you let me. I can't say that I am done myself with its process but I don't believe in full recovery. Losing someone is painful and it will always be. Memories will become sweeter but you will miss them more and more by letting those memories back into your head. So you get happy memories but a lot of sorrow as well. And you need to accept both in a package. Cause that's what grief is. Just let me help. "

As he told me this, a heavy sob escaped my soul when I could finally open up to him:
"Help me Ryan. I let you help. I need your help. I can't do it alone."