Is it love? - Ryan. Dangerous to Love.

I will wait

Ryan's POV

After Elijah left, Kate was stressed but I could guess it. The Bible was sitting on the coffee table and I just didn't know what to do. She curled up and didn't want to talk to me at all. But I knew we need to talk.

"At least consider what Elijah told you Kate. Please. We can't live like that. I tried everything I could but if you aren't trying we are stuck. Or just tell me. How could I help? What could I do? I would do anything Kate to help you overcome this and start to get better but you just push me away all the time."

For my surprise she started talking. But with all the hate and anger that was in her.
"Just leave me. That would be the best you could do. Why should I even try if it won't succeed? You can't save me Ryan. No one can. Because I can't be saved. "

And as sorry I was, I just lost my temper. She needs awakening. And now. So I was nearly shouting.
"Because you don't want to be saved. Just say it. Out loud. At least you should say it to yourself. You don't even fucking try Kate. Do you think it's easy to do it for anyone? Do you think it's easy to sedate you when you get out of control? Do you think it's easy to see you like that? With the hate in your eyes? Do you think it's easy to lie to Matt and Lisa about everything? Yes, I couldn't tell them. I couldn't tell them you wanted to kill yourself. I couldn't tell them I feel like I can't help. And I couldn't tell them that I feel that I am losing you. I am begging you Kate to do something. Make that first step and we will go with you no matter how hard it is. "

I went closer to her but she pushed me away. Again. She does it again and again. And I feel that I can't do anything. And it hurts like hell.

"What do you want to do Kate?" I am trying to be calmer and not hurt her anymore but I guess I already lost this battle to stay calm.

"I want to be alone." She whispered.

"Alright. But I won't close the door. You have no chance to get behind a locked door. I won't let you hurt yourself ever again, I promised that. Just call when you need something. But I guess you won't call me at all. I just want to tell you Kate that I love you. I am not the enemy here. I would never ever hurt you. Just keep that in mind." But of course she turned her face away from me. So I did what she asked for and left the room. I feel like I have given up.

I was thinking a lot in the afternoon what could I do. Then something just popped out of my mind. I quickly grabbed my phone and closed the door for my office until I finish the call. Kate won't see that I closed my door. She forces herself to sleep as much as she can. I don't have to wait a lot for my call to be received.

"Hello Ryan. I haven't heard from you for more than two weeks. Is something wrong?"

"Honestly? Yes, it is. But I don't want to talk on the phone. Would you fly here Matt if I asked you? I would send a jet for you and cover your leave from work. I just can't do anything. She needs you. She needs someone that's not me. She completely shut me out. "

"But what happened? The last time she sounded cheerful. Happier than ever in a long time. What happened?"

"Remember when we talked about Brad? She heard it. And things got out of my hands since than. I can't tell you everything on the phone, just in person. I even called a therapist which she is absolutely against."

"Of course Ryan. She feels threatened. Calling a therapist needs to be thought over and the perfect time needs to be found. "

The thing is that Matt doesn't know that we had no other time. She wanted to commit suicide. There was no time to wait for the perfect time. I don't even believe in any perfect time for Kate. She needs immediate help. But I can't just say this to Matt on the phone.