Is it love? - Ryan. Dangerous to Love.

Trust

Kate's POV.

I was just crying on my bed and hoping that it will be Matt who will arrive first. I am not sure how I would react if it would be Ryan. But as Matt told me,he was fast and arrived in ten minutes. He looked extremely tired but smiled at me when he entered. But his smile disappeared when he saw that I am crying.

"Heeeyy,what happened princess? It wasn't long ago that we left. Calm down, angel. I am right here. Just look at me. "

As I looked into his eyes,he could see the absolute fear in them too.
I just handed him the envelope with everything in it.
He looked suprised but opened it immediately. I was trying to read his face and it wasn't that hard. He was furious. And disgusted. But he tried to hide it and came closer to me and hugged me tight and for a long time. While he was hugging me,he whispered in my ear:
"Everything's gonna be alright, princess. I will protect you. I will never ever let him close to you. "

I couldn't say anything but one thing"
"Ryan kept it a secret from me."

"What do you mean by kept it a secret?"

"This is not the first time Matt. Colin told me that they are sending these letters 'again' so there must be more. And Ryan never told me anything about it. "

I just laid down to my bed, exhausted.
"I can't bear it anymore, Matt. I am tired. And fed up with secrets. I just want this to end. "

"And it will, angel. If we must move every rock, we will. Brad is insane. He is sure out of his mind. But I am sure that Ryan wanted you to keep calm. That's why he kept it a secret. Not to worry you. He wanted to protect you from the exact thing that happened now. Don't be hard on him. "

I didn't say anything just grabbed my blanket and tried to calm myself down with its touch.
Matt knows all my movements so seeing me this tense, he just came closer and grabbed my hand.
"Calm down princess and try to sleep. You need rest. You are tired. I will be here and wait until Ryan arrives. You can sleep."

I wanted to protest but my eyelids just closed. I was drifting to sleep but after a while I was waking up to the sound of an argument. It was Ryan and Matt.
But mostly Matt.

"Why didn't you tell me? That was the only fucking thing I told you is to be honest. And not just with me but with Kate, fuck. Do you know what state she was in when she called me? You can watch those pictures and read that letter and imagine her reaction when she saw it. I am not saying that I don't understand why you lied to her but she also had a right to know. And if you would pay attention to these,she wouldn't be here with a deep cut on her wrist, nearly killed. "

"I know and I fucked up Matt. I just couldn't tell it to anyone. And her. I knew that I can't tell her. She had enough problems. And now there is one more. I have people working on this. I was away yesterday because of this. I got my agents on it. "

"I am not sitting and watching how she gets into danger. I hope you understand that. Send me all the letters you got so far and any info on Brad. I'll call my brother to see what he can do to this piece of shit. I am not afraid to take the illegal trail if I have to. He hurt Kate enough. I won't let him touch her again,that's for sure. And you. Don't ever shut me out of her life. She is like my sister. And I fucking won't let anything happen to her. "

"Then we think the same. I will tell you everything, I just didn't know how. Now it just solved itself. "

Matt answered irritated:
"With Kate suffering. Again."

"Is she angry at me?"

"Like hell. You know her. You kept shit load of secrets from her and she doesn't respond well to it. Just don't push her,okay? She needs support and honesty. So try to be honest finally cause she had enough lies in her life already. I'll be back soon. Call if you can't calm her down. "

Then I heard Matt leaving. I didn't wanna wake up yet to have a fight with Ryan so I forced myself back to sleep which all in all wasn't that hard. I was hell exhausted.

When I finally woke up,Ryan was sitting next to me,holding my hand and caressing it. But as an automatic response I just pulled my hand out of his and curled under my blanket and turned my back towards him. I just don't want to talk. Not to him. Not to anyone. I feel that I am closed up. My mind needs to protect itself. And if it means not saying a single word and sleeping all day than I will obey. Sometimes I need to do what my mind is demanding. I feel that I am losing my ground underneath so it's like an automatic protection programme. Mostly sleep and silence. I hope everyone will understand this. I don't wanna make up excuses, I just need some time to breathe. Cause it's like fear has a grip on my throat.

"I am sorry,Kate. I know you don't want to talk to me but please try to understand why I did this. Imagine knowing every threat all along. It was hard to manage your panic attacks even without knowing about the threats. I didn't want to hurt you more than it was necessary. I just don't want to see you in this huge pain and fear that you are in right now. Just don't push me away,please baby. I need you. We both need each other. Talk to me. Please. "

"I don't want to Ryan. You promised me that you won't keep any secrets from me and here we are again. I am just tired. Tired of hurting and crying and feeling low and being in fear. I just want this to end and I wanna go home."

"I will bring you home tomorrow. "

For this sentence, I just turned towards him:
"Really?"

"Yes. I talked to James when I was away and he told me that I can bring you home tomorrow. Your brain pressure seems normal, some more days with a lower dosage of medicines and all of the extra pressure will be gone. But listen to me Kate. I wanted to tell you everything, I promise. I just wanted to wait for a bit to make you feel a bit more secure. You know I never wanted to hurt you. I promise I won't keep anything just to myself. If it really makes you feel better,I won't make a decision about what to tell you or not. I will tell everything and be there to protect you. I am sorry and I love you so so much. "

I felt a bit better but my anger was still inside of me. It's hard to forgive but it's even harder to control the anger inside of me. But I know that I must get a hold of it so I moved towards Ryan and he was immediately closer to me and pressing his lips towards mine. His kiss was sweet and tender. I hugged him and pressed myself against him as I became demanding. I wanted to kiss him with all the sorrow inside me. I wanted to let go of it. So my kiss became harder and more aggressive when he finally let go of me and got a hold of my hand.
But I immediately felt better. The only thing I could say was:
"No more secrets."

"No more secrets, baby. That's why you should also know that we are leaving for Scotland in 3 days."