Is it love? - Ryan. Dangerous to Love.

Change something to change everything

Ryan's POV.

We arrived safe and sound to Scotland. I rented an apartment in the most secure area that I could. I could also arrange extra protection here,cause that bastard knew about our flight too. I have a gap in my security system and I can not figure out where, but he knows about everything that happens to Kate and I. He knew that I was away yesterday night and he made use of it to harm my baby.
She is still sleeping so I carry her in my arms to our apartment. I don't really think that I can sleep anymore so I just put her down to the couch so I can see when she wakes up. I wander around the kitchen, which is fully equipped and thankfully full of food so we don't even need to go out for shopping. I was never good at cooking but after I have seen Kate how passionate she is about cooking, I have to confess that I started practising and learning new recipes. So I make use of those recipes and start to cook something for my angel. I know that maybe she won't eat anything or she won't even communicate with me but hell I will try everything I can. I make pasta with tarragon sauce and some tuna. I try to be as silent as I can but I know that I won't wake her up, she is sleeping deeply.

An hour later, she started to toss and turn so I quickly got next to her and held her hand and whispered calming words to her.
"Hush baby,everything's alright,I am by your side. Shhhh it's okay, calm down baby,I am here. Just breathe."

I needed to calm her down cause she started to cry as well while she wasn't fully awake. I tried to wake her up and some minutes later, she opened her beautiful eyes which were full of fear. But fear wasn't the only thing in her eyes. I could see that she is still shocked and she didn't respond to my calming words. I have to get her back. I picked her up and hugged her tight while I went outside to the balcony with her.
"Look baby. We are here. We are in Scotland. I want you to come back to me baby so so much. We have so much to do, so much to see and so much memories to gather. You are safe now. Please say something. I miss you. I know it was horrible but remember that you have to let me help. And never forget that it wasn't your fault. Forget those pictures love. Don't remember your parents like those pictures. They are not in pain anymore, those were just soulless bodies. Try to remember a good memory with them, their smile,something you used to enjoy together. "

And than it just broke.
"We used to play music together. They both played the guitar. I miss them Ryan. So so much. "

She was silently crying but now  snuggled up to me and hugged me. It was so good to get her back. I need her to breathe, to survive.

She was resting in my arms for half an hour when she finally started to open up to me and look around finally.

"Are we really here?"

"Yes,sweetheart. Right here. First in Perth. I know how much you love this town. We are a bit far from the centre but I wanted to be as safe as possible. We will spend our days here and travel to many other towns for the meetings."

"Can you now tell me something about the business here?"

"Only if you feel good enough baby. You scared me yesterday. I was never this worried of losing you. Don't do this to me. Never again."

"I am sorry Ryan. As I just saw those pictures.. it started all over again. I could see them all the time when I closed my eyes. But you pulled me out of that hell. I never wanna see those pictures again."

"And you sure won't. Those pictures were stolen from the police so they started an investigation on who stole them. If it's Brad, than we will have proof for something at least. There are security cameras all over the police station. It can not happen that he could stole them without being spotted by a camera. I had to get you away from there as soon as possible. And we won't go back for a long time. I won't risk losing you. "

"I hope they will figure out something while we are away. But now tell me about the business here. I will feel better if I can occupy myself with something. It's okay Ryan. I am ready to deal with that."

"Okay sweetheart. I tell you but just to let you know our first week is off. We don't work this week. We just get used to the new area and organise our life here. We should talk through the exact meeting places too and where should we book a hotel room and where not. I am planning on coming 'home' here every day when we are away. I am up to drive 6-7 hours. So we only have to live in a hotel when we go further than a 7 hour drive. "

"Okay. But don't make me more curious. Tell me what it is about."

"Okay. You waited enough for it. I just don't want to stress you with work. But you have a right to know the details. I want to invest in renewable energy. Scotland is famous for its wind power so we meet up with wind turbine planners to find the best and the best plot of land too. And as for my future plans, I want a factory powered by those turbines where we will be specialized in assembling those turbines to get renewables to those third world countries that doesn't use electrical power."

"Ryan it's amazing. I love renewables. I am excited for it. How will we manage this?"

"We came to check on these professionals. We will meet up with 6 of them to finally choose at least 3 who will be willing to be the main professional leaders of the factory. So we really should see whether they are capable of managing people or not. The land will be the easier choice. I already sent all 6 of them the possible lands to tell me which is the most usable and profitable. We need to convince them to be part of this project to help as many third world countries as we can. But enough of the work. I said we rest this week. And deal with your mental state."

She just turned her head away. She is still not open with me which starts to annoy me.

"Stop pushing me away Kate. It's not easy for any of us. And it worths nothing if I just try and try and you don't let me close to you."

"I just... I don't want to speak about it Ryan. I just blocked yesterday. I have some memories but I was like unconscious just watching the world around me. And I had to live through those memories again. Not just the accident. Brad is pushing himself into my life again making me relive my memories with him as well. "

"But I could help if you would tell me what you feel Kate. "

"Help Ryan? How could you help when I mostly think about ending this once and for all?"
I could see tears and pain in her eyes.

"What are you talking about ? I hope it's not what I think. "

"I guess it is. I just wanna die Ryan. I deserved it a long long time ago. I don't deserve you and hell you don't deserve my problems. I just can't have a simple day without imagining hurting myself. I only didn't do anything because you were next to me  all the time. And because I know that your mom committed suicide. And..and I don't wanna hurt you Ryan. It's just so hard."

"I know it's hard love but let me help. I am begging you. I hate the thought of you hurting yourself Kate. No one loved you like you really deserved. No one showed you how amazing you are  and how worthy your life is. But I won't give up on you baby. You mean more than anything to me. Never think of committing suicide ever again. You know what helped me when I had thoughts like yours? Having faith. Faith in yourself.  And faith in God. Everything happens for a reason Kate. If God wanted you to die,he would have let you die in your accident. And he saves you over and over again. Because he loves you Kate."

"If he loves me why did he kill my parents? I always believed in God, Ryan. Until the time when he took away everything I had and made me live through hell. If he is there somewhere, I am sure he hates me."

"No. Remember Kate. As good exists,so does bad. As God exists, so does the Devil. Those horrible things weren't from God, never forget that. That other driver who was drunk driving was lead by the Devil's influence not to care about being drunk and driving at the same time. Do you think illnesses are from God? Do you think he purposefully kills children with painful illnesses? No,no. That's not our God. The God I am talking about is the one that is responsible for helping you go on and not give up. He is the one to help you try and try again. He doesn't let go of your hand but don't pull your hand away from his grip. And I hope he sent you for me and me for you. To show you through me how much anyone can love you. Look at the beautiful things he created for us not the ones which we, people ruined. I love you so so much Kate. We talk about everything day by day. Not much. Just some bad memories and how you felt at those times and we speak through everything. Just speak. Open up to me and I will never hurt you baby,I promise. Now come here and let's start exploring this day and this whole new fairytale around us."