Fix You//Fillie

32

"Please... Please don't be sorry. I wasn't paying attention. I didn't see how bad it was getting. I know you've done this before and your parents took you somewhere to get you out of it. I just don't know how to help you myself.  Mills, I am so sorry," she said, lifting my chin with her pointer finger, and embracing me into a warm embrace soon after. "I promise I will help you get out of this. We'll do it together, ok? I'm always going to be right here."

| Millie's POV |

It's been 3 weeks. 3 weeks and Finn hasn't gotten out of his coma. I think I'm starting to lose my mind - well, more than I already am. I was able to convince Jack and Wyatt to let me enroll them in our school. They now have permanent rooms at my house, but Harley has refused to leave Finn's room still. Homecoming is this weekend and I can't bring myself to go. I think about Finn every time. Sadie has been trying to get me eating more, but I haven't been able to. She asked if I needed to go see someone, but I defensively told her I would never talk to her again if she did. I don't even know why I'm so defensive about it, I just can't help it. She's been watching me eat, but I've "had to go to the bathroom" every time and spit it into the toilet. Food just refuses to stay down, and I don't want to torture myself.

Before the breakup, I was 100 lbs, still underweight for my height and age, but healthy. I now weighed 82 lbs, and you could start to see my ribs. I didn't do it because I felt like I needed to lose weight. It's just that trying to eat food and having to throw it all up later that night because my stomach rejects it is just hard to keep up with. Sadie has been noticing, and tries to hide it, but I see her crying to Caleb every day about it. I haven't been trying on my outfits at school, either. I've just been wearing sweatpants and crop tops, with my hair in a messy bun, barely any makeup.

I don't have enough nutrients in my body to keep my hands from shaking, so a week and a half ago I decided to stop trying to hide my thin eyebrows, short eyelashes, and purple under-eye bags. I try to act as normal as possible around my friends, but... something feels different today. I've been able to keep up in everything, but today, I've felt worse than I have since the breakup.

My eyes are dry, my hands are stiff, it feels like I'm lifting cement blocks every time I try to walk. I tripped and fell twice in the hallway today. Of course, one of my friends was always there to help me up. Something just feels weird, but I have to be awake when Finn wakes up. I've been going to the hospital every day, just talking to Finn, avoiding telling him anything about my weight changes. I brought the entire friend group there to apologize to him, and he gave me a hand squeeze, letting us know that he heard them. They were so happy that we all celebrated by eating dinner in Finn's room and just cracking jokes and telling stories to keep him company.

I walked into the lunch room and told everyone I'd be back, instead of sitting down without a lunch like I've normally been doing. I went into the kitchen and got a chicken wrap, trying to get myself back to somewhat normal. I sat down at the lunch table and noticed everyone's faces visibly brighter. "Ok how long have you guys been waiting for this," I asked as a joke, letting out a short laugh at the end.

"Way too long," Gaten said before embracing me in a hug. Everyone joined in shortly after and we all started to laugh when we finished.

"What are we doing with Finn today?" I asked, taking a bite of my wrap. For the first time in these very long weeks, I didn't feel the need to throw up. In all seriousness, I was content with the flavor and was able to keep it down easily. And then I realized why I was so content with the flavor. It was the first meal I had with Finn, when he showed up to my house on that summery night. A smile spread across my face at the thought of getting to see him again.

"I don't know, I think we could figure it out when we get there," Maddie said with a smirk, obviously hiding something. Sadie saw the expression on my face and soon after I heard a noise from under the table, followed by a wince from Maddie.