Alive? | Stray Kids | ✓

Chapter 4

Seungmin bite out of the apple. He sat there, until they could go back home. Seungmin ran back to his bedroom. His lonely new bedroom. Ever since Jeongin was gone, the members decided to have their own rooms. Just  so they could recover over what had happened. Until they were all better, they would go back to roommates. He laid there realizing something. That he doesn't smile anymore. Even if he did... It wasn't a genuine smile. He stopped smiling when Jeongin was gone. Was this how Jeongin was liek? Putting on a fake smile everyday? Going through the whole day with pain and guilt in his heart. Seungmin still felt guilty that he didn't notice anything wrong with his friend. He kept on thinking until they got back home. He plopped down on the bed and stared at the ceiling. Was he getting depressed? Or was he still sad over Jeongin? 

Seungmin remembered the fun times with Jeongin. He remembered one, very specifically. It was that time, where he noticed something was wrong, but was too busy to check what it was. That time where he needed to go to the bathroom so desperately, since he was sick and felt like throwing up. When Seungmin yelled, for someone to get out of the way cause he was going to throw up. When he ran into the bathroom and saw Jeongin, surprised.   When he pushed jeongin out of the room. but he saw, that jeongin immediately rolled down his sleeve, right after Seungmin ran in. He noticed a lot of tissues and bandages in the trash can, but seungmin didn't care. He threw up, while Chan was running in trying to help seungmin.

Seungmin knew he should've checked up on Jeongin, but Chan and Woojin forced him to rest. So he did. He took medicine and went to bed, forgetting everything that had just happened. Jeongin was relieved that he didn't talk to him at the time.

Seungmin was so mad at himself right now. He should've done something! He should've remembered! He ran into the bathroom, locking it. The other members didn't really noticed. They were all in their own rooms, doing whatever they were doing. Seungmin sat on the floor crying. Why did this happen?  Why did he have to die? Seungmin needed him!

Seungmin opened a drawer to get tissues, but instead, he found a small box. He opened it and found blades. Thin silver sharp blades. Seungmin slowly lifted one of them, his breath shaking.

Jeongin said it helped. Seungmin didn't want to. He knew that it wasn't good for him. He knew that if he started doing it, he wouldn't be able to stop. But, he was curious. He really wanted to do it. Maybe just one cut? He wanted to know if it would help him. He wanted to stop the pain he was feeling inside.

Seungmin tightened his grip.

No. He shouldn't do this. But he was still curious. He walked out of the bathroom, with the blade. All the members were still in their bedrooms making it easier for Seungmin to bring this to his room. Once seungmin entered and locked the door, he lifted up his sleeve. He sat down and held the sharp knife above his skin. In his hand, it was cold, since it wasn't used in a long time. Seungmin closed his eyes and let out another shaky sigh. He really wanted to do it, but something back in his mind, told him no.

The blade still hovered over his skin. Seungmin was arguing with himself. He couldn't decided if he should do it or not. In the end, Seungmin had placed the knife right against his skin.