Alive? | Stray Kids | ✓

Chapter 10

My members didn't even want me here. I didn't want to be here. I looked out of the window. I got out of my bed and grabbed an over sized sweater and put on sweatpants. I opened the window and climbed out. I landed onto the ground and started to walk. The cold fall breeze hit my face. People were walking around not paying attention to me. I continued to walk, not looking back, since i knew no one wanted me there. I sat down at a table in the cafe, where i first saw Jeongin. There wasn't that many people.  I stared at nothing for a while. I took out my phone to look on social media. My phone was on silent and i turned off all my notifications,  so i didn't notice the texts i was getting. I ordered a cup of coffee and left the cafe. I looked around, not knowing what to do.

I wandered around, not really knowing where i would be going. I found myself back at our dorms. I stared at it in the distance.

No one texted me yet...

Obviously, they don't care about you.

I looked around.

"Who said that?" I whispered.

You don't need to know that. All you need to know, is that no one cares about you.

Thats not true!

It is.

No it isn't!

Why didn't they come get you for dinner?

They were probably busy?

No they weren't.  they all ignored you. They don't want to see you.

...

They don't want to see your ugly fat face.

...

They don't need you. Nobody needs you. They're better off without you.

Shut up..

But it's true.

Shut up!

It's all true.  You just won't accept it.

That's when I lost it. 

"SHUT UP!" I yelled.

The voice was gone, and people were staring at me like i was weird.

Maybe i am weird. Maybe I don't belong here.

I pushed those thoughts away and started to run. I ran away from the dorms as i felt wet tears fall down my face. I didn't stop running until i was tired. When i stopped, i ended up on the bridge.  I wiped my tears and needed to calm down. I sat down at the edge of the bridge, listening to the calming waves. Suddenly i spotted something in the ocean. I got up and ran down under the bridge. I got closer, i noticed that it was a man. The waves were slightly moving the body away from me. I walked faster, and saw that it was jeongin.

I gasped loudly and stopped.

What..

Jeongin?

No. It can't be.

I ran towards the body and saw it was clearly jeongin.  I was about to grab his hand, but the ocean swept it away from me. I tried once more, but the ocean wouldn't be cooperative. 

"HEY!"

I turned around startled. It was a stranger who yelled that.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"

I didn't reply. I looked back and saw that Jeongin was gone.  I walked back up and ignored the stranger who was talking to me. The stranger decided to give up after trying to talk to me.  I walked away from the bridge, but i glanced back, still not seeing Jeongin.

Was I imagining that? Or was that really Jeongin?

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Rest In Peace Sulli...
we'll miss you.
If you have depression, please find help, before  it becomes worse, and ends badly.