Alive? | Stray Kids | ✓

Chapter 25

"What?" I asked.

Chan glanced at someone but I couldn't catch who he was looking at. He stared at me with sad eyes.

"Guys." Chan turned around to look at all of us. "Woojin is leaving the group soon."

"What!!?" I yelled. I looked at Woojin, and knew it was true. He was crying.

"I'm sorry. I don't want to leave when we're in this situation." Woojin quietly said.

"Why?" Han said, his voice shaking.

Han's question was not answered. The sad news had broken us. We were all quiet and crying, until our manager came in. He stared at us and finally spoke.

"So you told them."

Chan nodded.

"I'm sorry." Woojin repeated as he stood up and hugged us, ending with me.

The manager sat down and discussed with Chan and Woojin. I ran into my bedroom, and slammed the door. I jumped into my bed, and put my blanket over me, as I cried quietly. A few minutes later, I heard the door open.

I didn't want to talk to anyone, so I pretended to be asleep. Footsteps could be heard as it was getting closer. A heavy figure sat down on the bed.

"Seungmin." It was Woojin. I wasn't in the mood to see him yet. "I'm sorry."

I continued to be silent.

"I didn't want to leave you while you were still suffering over Jeongin."

The word Jeongin, almost made me cry.

"Seungmin?"

I stayed silent.

He sighed. His hand laid on my back, and said "I'm so sorry."

As his footsteps recede, I felt tired and fell asleep.

Time Skip

They let us have a funeral for Jeongin. I haven't seen his dead body and i didn't want to. The funeral was in a few days. Woojin was going to enlist in the military soon too. But after he's finished, he's not coming back to stray kids. JYP was considering disbanding us, but didn't. They didn't want us to suffer even more from every thing that's happening.

On the day of Jeongins funeral, I woke up really early. I slowly went to the bathroom and took a shower. After my shower, i put on a loose shirt and sweatpants and went to the kitchen. All the the other members were sitting silently. I knew that we weren't ready to see Jeongin's dead body. We weren't ready to see him again. I sat down and ate a bowl of cereal. I got up and placed the bowl into the sink and put on my suit, and styled my hair.

We got into the car and drove to Jeongin's funeral. We were the first to arrive. As we went to sit down, we got a glimpse of Jeongin. All i noticed was that he was so pale. I sat down next to Hyunjin and Woojin. My face showed no emotion. My eyes weren't full of the happiness they use to have. My smile hadn't shown in quite a long time. I could hear a few members already sniffling. As the room filled, I remained emotionless. Many people came and apologized for our loss. I looked up and saw a picture of jeongin. He was smiling so brightly. Inside, I felt like crying, but I didn't. I stared at the body. His dead, cold, lifeless body. His face looked at peace. I wondered, if he knew we would suffer this much from the loss, would he still do it?

I sat in silence, while everyone else around me were crying. I don't know why, but I couldn't cry. Maybe it was because I was tired of crying too much. Maybe it was because I was use to this feeling already. Or maybe it's because I just can't.

It was time to bury him. The wind blew a bit harsh, and the clouds were turning grey. I could tell that it might rain soon. My hair was getting messed up, but I was too busy focusing on Jeongin, to even care about that. His casket was being lowered into the squared hole that was dug out. I watched, as it was being covered with dirt. In my hands, I held a bouquet of flowers. I placed it on the dirt, right in front of his gravestone. Other people were starting to leave, but I didn't want to leave. Suddenly, I felt something wet roll down my cheeks. They were tears. I was crying. But not like the other members. I looked at my members. Most of them had wet tears rolling down their faces. Their eyes were red, and I could see the visible eye bags they had. On the other hand, I looked perfectly fine, except my hair was all over the place. I was crying, but with no emotions. I looked as lifeless as Jeongin. Unfortunately, I was alive.

On our way home, we were all silent. I didn't mind it though. I was used to this. Except now, the voices in my head were getting louder and louder. It was annoying, but everything they said was true.

"They hate you."

"You mean nothing to them."

"You'd be better off dead."

I sighed. Maybe it would be better if I was dead.

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well. I haven't been updating like
I said. Oops.