Alive? | Stray Kids | ✓

Chapter 26

The rest of the ride home was silent. No one would talk. No one would even look at each other. Only quiet sniffles. I spaced out the whole entire time unil we finally arrived home. I was the last one out of the car since I was in the back, and no one told me we had arrived. I slowly trudged to my room. I pushed the door so it could close, but apparently I had added too much force, and the door had slammed close, startling me. I opened the door a little, and peered out. No one seemed to be fazed. I closed the door, and plopped onto my bed. I laid there for quite a long time. Suddenly there was an urge to get my hands on something sharp and start cutting. The voices in my head weren't quieting down. Instead, they got louder and louder every single minute. I closed my eyes, trying to fight the urge. It was no use. I looked for my knives. For some reason, my brain couldn't process, due to the loud voices that were telling me to die. I searched through everything, until i found it. My hands started to shake, as I held the dull, yet clean, blade. I took out a couple of bandages, and shoved everything in my pocket. I walked to the bathroom and closed the door. I rolled up my sleeve, but then I realized something. I haven't changed my clothes. I walked back to my room, when a thought popped up in my head. I grabbed my clothes and quietly walked back to the bathroom. Locking the door, I took off my clothes and laid in the bathtub. I shivered as I reached for the knife. I turned on the water and felt the warmth heat up my body. Starting with one on my wrist, I heard the demons in my head quiet down, but not enough. Another cut was added. This time, the demons were encourgaing me and tell me the reasons why I'm cutting. It was getting quieter so I was fine with it.

More.

One cut for not crying at Jeongins funeral.

Two cuts for causing his death.

THREE CUTS FOR NOT SAVING HIM

FIVE CUTS FOR LETTING HIM DIE INSTEAD OF YOU.

My head started to hurt. I started to cry but scoffed at that.

I cry now but not at Jeongin's funeral?

i'm so fucking useless

So dumb.

No wonder your members hate you.

No wonder Jeongin died.

If I was him I would die too.

I started to sob even harder. I repeatedly slashed my arms, until large gashes were on them.The bath tub was already filled. The water was the a dark color of blood. I felt myslef get light headed.

"Seungmin! We're going to go shopping!" Chan yelled out. "If you need anything, text us, or talk to Han. He's in his room."

I didn't respond. I felt my mind get hazy. My eyes were getting heavy. Voices could be heard, but it was silenced, once the door was shut. I tried to think. Woojin was with the manager. Hyunjin was still at Jeongin's grave. Everyone else was shopping. I remembered that Chan said something about Han, but i couldn't remember. The gashes were stinging, as one of my arms fell into the water. The other hand, that was holding the blade, also fell, but didn't fall into the water. It hit the side of the bathtub, which kind of hurt, but the gashes hurt more, so that felt dull. The knife slipped out of my hand and clanged against the ground. My eyes just wanted to sleep.

I sighed. "Finally. I'm going to die."

I realized, I haven't turned off the water so it was overflowing the tub. I didn't want anyone to clean up more of my mess. I slowly reached over to turn it off. When it was off, I slid down into the water, until my nose was under the water, and closed my eyes.

End
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Or is it?