Alive? | Stray Kids | ✓

Chapter 6

Seungmin POV

I hate this. Why do i always mess this up.

Minho had to help me with the dance again. He looked so stressed and annoyed. I'm sorry Minho. I'm sorry for making you mad.

Minho was still trying to help me while i was thinking.

"Seungmin! You're supposed to face the other way!" He said.

I looked at him and quietly said "Sorry."

We continued dancing. But i kept on making mistakes. All the other members quietly groaned, but Seungmin heard all the groans.

"I'm sorry." Seungmin murmured, as they were about it dance again.

After practice, our manager called all of us and showed us what we were going to wear for the concert and told us that he needed to know our size. My outfit was long sleeves. That just put bad thoughts in my mind.

When we got home, as always, the others went to their lonely bedrooms. I went to the bathroom to wash up, and opened the wrong cabinet drawer again and saw jeongins blades. I gasped. My brain was telling me to get it but i knew i shouldn't. I remembered that time when the first blade i took was gone. I stared at it for a second, and grabbed two, and hid the rest in the bathroom. I put them in my pockets and walked out of the bathroom. I quickly ran back to my room and locked it, not knowing a pair of eyes were watching me, confused. I sat on my bed, holding one of them.

Maybe Just one? Just one cut?

I was way too curious. I really wanted to know what it felt like. So i actually did it. I actually cut myself.

I was somewhat disappointed in myself, but at the same time, i was surprised. I actually did it. My fear over cutting was slowly vanishing. I looked at the small red cut, right across my wrist. I remembered i had to clean it, so i got up, pulled down my sleeve and ran to the bathroom quickly. I washed it, but i didn't know where we had the bandages.  i looked through the bathroom, extremely anxious.

I didn't know where it was. I couldn't ask anyone cause then they would be suspicious, so i ran back to my bedroom, and put on my shoes and ran out of the dorm, with my hood on. Some of the members stared at me with confused looks. I put my hands in my pockets and took out some money. When i arrived to the nearest store, i grabbed a lot of bandages and quickly paid of them, while the shopkeeper gave me a suspicious look. I politely said goodbye, and ran off.

When i got back, it was dark. None of the lights were turned on. I slowly walked towards my room, without anyone hearing me. What i didn't know was that there was someone who noticed me come in.

I locked the door and sat down on the floor taking out the bandages. I noticed my sleeve was red. it had absorbed some of the blood. I took my sweater off, leaving me shirtless. I put on my bandages, messily and rushed to find a shirt. I found a black long sleeved shirt and put it on. Afterwards, i cleaned the mess, hiding every single piece of evidence except of the bloodied shirt. I didn't know what to do. I couldn't wash it now, cause then, the other members would see me. I threw it in the closet, making a mental note to wash it later when it was my turn to do the laundry.

___________________________
this was a bit rushed..