Alive? | Stray Kids | ✓

Chapter 21

"Then why is my cabinet drawer a little bit open? And why is my stuff inside, kind of messed up?"

I mentally screamed at myself for not cleaning up the mess I had made. I felt bad but i knew that cutting wasn't the solution to what Jimin was going through. Even though I had done it, I knew it was bad. I just couldn't help myself. I wanted to confront him on it, so i did.

"Jimin." I said, ignoring his question. "Have you been cutting yourself?"

Jimin's cold expressionless face changed. He widened his eyes. He quietly gasped as I looked into his eyes. I could see that he was scared.

"what?" He asked.

I repeated myself. "Have you been cutting yourself?"

"N-No!"

"Jimin.." I started to say.

Jimin was silent. He kept on looking away when we made eye contact.

"So you are doing it." I finally say.

"I'm sorry." Jimin quietly said, while spilling out tears.

I hugged him and comforted him. " Its ok. Please don't do it."

I looked down to his arms. It was covered but i wanted to know. I wanted to see how many times... he had done it.

"Jimin? Can i please see your arm?" I asked.

Jimin wiped his tears and looked at me.

I gentlely grabbed his arm and held his sleeve. I slowly lifted it up, revealing multiple scars. There were old ones and new ones. I dropped his sleeve, feeling sad. I felt the urge to just hug him and never let go. I hugged him but i let go once someone came in. Jimin hid his arms inside his sleeve quickly and looked up. I rubbed my eyes and turned around. It was Taehyung.

"Um... What..." Taehyung said when he saw us hugging "Why are you-"

"Oh my god!? Why are you crying?!" Taehyung nearly screamed when he saw that Jimin was crying. He ran over and hugged Jimin, pushing me aside. Taehyung whispered something in Jimin's ear, trying to comfort the elder. I stood up, because i felt ignored and uncomfortable. I grabbed paper and wrote

"I'm leaving. I'll see you later."

I walked out and immediately regretted it. It was cold. The freezing wind blew against my face. I was only wearing a thin sweater. I shivered as i walked back to my dorm. It was a twenty minute walk and I was freezing to death. I couldn't feel my fingers. The dorm was all the way over there. It looked so close but it was so far. I took a deep breath and walked faster. My ears turned red and my face went paler. I immediately rushed inside when i finally got there. I ran into my bedroom and warmed up. I sighed and reached into my pocket and pulled out multiple thin silver knives.

I immediately felt the urge to cut but i stopped myself. I couldn't do it. Not after what had happened. He needed to help Jimin. Jimin didn't deserve all those thoughts. He didn't deserve so many cuts.

He doesn't deserve it. But you do.

I didn't reply. I didn't want to. I knew it was true.

You're a hundred times worse than Jimin and yet, he has more cuts.

I stared at my arm, analyzing all the scars.

You should've died instead.

my arms were wrapped around my knees and i lowered my head, knowing it was right.

You're a burden to the others.

I was shaking. The voice needed to get out. Now.

You're fat.

ugly.

dumb.

and useless.

You're not even talented at all.

Such a fucking burden.

I started to sob. I couldn't take it anymore. How come every single thing it says, it's true.? Why can't i be perfect? Why must I live? I glanced over at the pile of knives, that were scattered around on the floor.

They wouldn't notice. Would they?