Our little secret

Chapter 23

Maya PoV

I bent down by his side "Omg are you okay" I said placing my hands on either side of his face

Above anything else Josh is one of my best friends we were together every day for nearly 4 years he's a big part of my life and I didn't like to see him hurt "It's okay, I'm okay" Josh said placing his hands over mine

His lip was bleeding and a little swollen from where Lucas hit him, I hoped it wasn't too bad, I helped Josh up and then turned around to face Lucas "What the hell is wrong with you!" I raised my voice getting more annoyed

"I- I'm sorry" Lucas apologised to me his voice quieter

"You can't just go around hitting people if they say something you don't like!" I was mainly annoyed that Lucas had started this over the fact that Josh and me kissed

"We only kissed for god sake! Josh is one of my closest friends and you're going to need to accept that because like it or not he's part of mine and Hopes life so you better deal with whatever issues you have with each other" I was trying to sort this out since they clearly weren't going to and then I turned back around to Josh

"And you!" I was just going to say how I felt to them both

"Why did you try and make it seem like more happened? Why did you have to push Lucas?" I was genuinely curious why he thought that by doing that and saying what he didn't he wouldn't get a punch in the face or worse

"He needs to control how easily he gets angry, Maya you're my best friend and I love you and I don't want to see you get hurt because this jackass can't control his temper!" Josh raised his voice slightly and I understood why he said what he did

He was saying those things to see how Lucas would react, Josh knows I can't let anything happen between me and Lucas and if there is another guy in the future or guy friends Lucas can't be getting aggressive, even if we aren't together he's still Hopes dad and still part of our lives

"You should probably go" I slightly smiled trying to lift the mood "I'll call you"

He forced a smile and got into his car and drove away probably trying to get away from this argument as quickly as he could

"I'll just go then" Lucas said stepping away from me

"NO!" I shouted after him "You can't just show up here, pick a fight and then leave"

He turned around and started to walk towards me "You want to know why I even showed up here, it's because you can't make up your fucking mind, I love you Maya and I've told you that and you've told me you love me too yet you won't do anything about it! And don't even get me started on everything with Hope" he said yelling at me and I didn't really want to get into it I feel like we keep having the same conversation over and over again

"Because you dated my best friend who now hates me because of us because of this and Hope is my daughter and I will decide when and where I tell her about you because I love her with all my heart and I might not be the worlds best mom but I try to do the best I can and I make hard choices even if they don't always end up what I want so don't judge me on that!" I yelled back getting things off my chest, I was so angry right now. How dare he come here pick a fight with Josh and then criticise my parenting techniques and how I'm raising Hope, that's one thing I will be very defensive about

"And do you want to hear me say it ? Yes I love you okay I fucking love you and I wish I didn't but I do!" I said finally admitting it to him, I've never said it to Lucas out loud I've admitted it to myself and our friends but never to him.. that I know of

"So if you can't deal with the fact that I'm going to worry about things and that Josh is part of our lives and I'm going to put Hope before anyone else then you can leave right now and don't even think about coming back" I felt so overwhelmed, I wasn't even sure what I was saying anymore I was just angry, I turned around not looking at him

"Maya!" Lucas shouted to me "What?" I said turning around quietening my voice

"I'm not going anywhere, okay?" He started speaking softer too

"God what's wrong with us?" I said calming myself down more

"We're so bad for each other, I mean listen to us this is toxic. We're in a toxic relationship or whatever this is" I said how I felt even if it hurt to say it but we are constantly yelling or other people are being hurt by us being together like Riley or Josh

"I know we aren't dating but it's like we are, I've said it so many time Lucas but it's true we aren't good together and we can't be together, we can't be in love it's too hard"

"If it's such a burden to you then stop loving me!" We were both still speaking a little loud

"I can't !" I yelled back

"I can't stop loving you either!" He started speaking softer but we were both still talking too loud

"Well that's the problem, we don't work" I tried to be quieter realising that we were stood outside my house in the middle of the night yelling

"I know" he agreed which surprised me

"Then we agree, whatever this is has to end." I looked down at my feet avoiding his eyes

"It just did, it's over, we're over" I was so surprised that he was actually agreeing with me but I think we have both just realised that what we had what we feel just isn't worth everything that comes with it

I started walking back up the steps to my door and I looked back at him one more time before going inside

I shut the door and I couldn't hold back anymore I sank down to the floor putting my knees up to my chest and putting my hands on my head and I just cried, I was loosing so many people who were close to me and I hated it