Phosphenes [Larry Stylinson Fan Fiction] EDITING

Chapter Twenty Eight: Toska

Toska (n.) A dull ache of the soul, a sick pinning, a spiritual anguish.

(Jane's POV)

I was waiting outside the building, waiting for a Cherlaine to pick me up. I had a rollercoaster of emotions today but I was mostly happy. Happy about my final exams. I cant wait to call my parents about my ranking.

"Hey beautiful" I heard that familiar irish accent behind me that gave me shivers and made my heart drop, it annoyed me for how it affected me. Its Niall, I know. I have been craving to hear his voice since the day I left him.

"Hey" I replied coldly. I was still bothered about the video.

"Do you want me bring you home?" He asked.

"Its ok Cherlaine is picking me up" I replied. I wanted him to but even though, excluding the fact that I desperately like him, he might me an axe murderer.

There was a bit of an awkward silence between him and me. I wanted it to go away cause the his presence made it irresistible for me.

"Is there something wrong between us?" He faced me, his face made me go in a trance for a millisecond when I looked into his sapphire eyes.

"What do you mean 'us'" I scoffed silently, denying the feeling of flattery as he called me and him as an 'us'

"Jane-"

"I don't know" I looked away "you tell me"

"Is this about the video?" He grabbed my arm carefully and his touch made my nerves numb throughout all my body and only feeling the area that our skin connected. I looked at him and sighed

"Well, Im sorry, I was drunk and I-"

I cut him "No, no Niall, don't say sorry, really, its ok, I mean I'm not in the place to feel anything, right? you don't need to explain."

"Ja-"

"And maybe yes, maybe I am affected by the video, because I felt something for you, and I shouldn't, because I just met you, and I don't know if that is the one they call 'love at first sight' or infatuation. Maybe I'm just exaggerating, maybe I am. Maybe I thought you felt something for me too, maybe I assumed, assumed something special, so maybe thats why. But I don't really know, Niall. If you were really interested you shouldn't have done that, I was disappointed over that, it got stuck in my head since the day since I saw it, and I hope you know how I feel, I hope you know how much you can affect me even though we just met." I sighed. Did I just poured out everything to him in an instant?

"Jane, I-"

"I'm sorry Niall, Im not used to feeling this way about a guy, Im sorry if I took it too far, Im sorry if I assumed that you feel the same way about how I feel about us even though there was never an 'us'. I feel so freaking stupid and pissed at myself more that I am with you. In fact, maybe I can't even feel anything negative about you, cause thats how much you are to me."

"Jane please let me explain" His eyes were pleading, but I ignored it and it was painful, I never felt this way before nor I ever wanted to. This was all just an unexpected surprise of feelings that I didn't want.

I walk towards Cherlaine's car that was waiting infront of us.

"Good bye, Niall"

I really wish he knew how I felt.