Phosphenes [Larry Stylinson Fan Fiction] EDITING

Chapter Seventeen: Saudade

 Saudade (n.) (Portugese) A nostalgic longing to be near again to something or someone or that has been loved and then lost. "the love thath remains"

(Charlie's POV)

The whole trip home was quiet. I could feel Harry stealing glances. He really was a softie, isn't he? 

"Uhmm.. The hammer and the broken vase?"  He said breaking the silence. It occured to me that I still haven't cleaned up the broken vase I threw on the window and the un returned hammer from the cabinet.

I blushed a bit.. hoping that I wouldn't embaras myself just as I was when I knew the mirror was bulletproof. "I-I.. I uh.. thought that I could break the window with the hammer.. or throwing a vase at it" 

I thought he'd laugh but his face just show a sign of shame ans a bit surprised. Surprised that I was eager to go out that much that I wanted to break the glass window.

He sighed, thats all. I was expecting him to say what if the pieces of the vase punctured in to my skin? Or what if it hit my eye after I threw it? But he just sighed. It was hard for me to open up now. I want to say sorry cause I know its my fault but he should say sorry too. But we had both of our prides getting in on our way. I want to hug him again cause my body says so. I want to cuddle him and intoxicate my senses with him all day but I feel like I can't.

We got off the car as he parked it in front of the flat. I remembered I left my car on the rink. I head straight to my room and paid attention to what Harry was doing. I changed my clothes to comfortable ones and peeked at the living room where I found Harry cleaning up the vase I had broke. He looked so tired and yet I had caused him all of these mess. I felt guilty in a way that I don't want to approach him any longer but to cave myself in and shut everything else away just to hide the remorse that I was feeling. So I did.

For a while, I just watched my clock and let time pass by as I lay down my bed. Until I had survived to 10pm I decided that this infamy I felt was unhealthy and sat up in bed and took my pillow to Harry's room. I saw him lying on his chest, in deep sleep, silently snoring in his king sized bed. I dropped my pillow next to his head and lay beside him where I dug his hands to cover my body. I felt his warmth as I grew closer to him. His weigh slightly on me and to the side. My face on the space between his neck and head. I embraced him and felt so good.

The warmth as safety he made me feel just by his body sent me to a comfortable sleep.

(Harry's POV)

I regained concious and felt another body beside me. I opened my eyes and saw Charlie facing me with her hands on my back and tangled on my hair. I slowly shifted my position, fearing that I was putting to much weigh on her. I laid on my back and pulled her to an embrace where her head ws resting on my shoulders. I gave her a peck on her head as I missed her presence beside me. She was the only thing that kept me relax and sedated. I felt her breathing pattern changed, a sign that she is waking.

"Harry" She said with her sleepy voice that had a hint of grumpyness that was an effect of her sleep. It made me cooed inside.

"Hmm?"

"I'm sorry. for everything" She shifted into position where I could see her sleepy eyes through the dim lit room. "I'm sorry that I told you you can't help me, you're all the help and comfort I need and its so much. I'm sorry I made you worried and snuck out the house and didn't even call you. I'm sorry you had to clean that vroken vase that I threw and for waiting too long to say this. Harry, I love you" Hr voice as sincire as ever. A tear wanted to escape my eye but I stopped it from doing so. She might not fully remember how much I care for her but she does know how to remove the blisters she has put to my heart. I sat up and hugged her as tight as she could still breathe

"Charlie, Im sorry too, love. Its just that I think I lost the ability to keep you safe and it hurts me, because you're everything that I have left. Forgive me for making you think I was locking you up here. I just hope you understand. I love you too, Charlie." I cupped her face and saw her eyes reflect the happiness I feel.

"Thank you, Harry. For everything" She said and my heart felt this ache, not that it was too happy and destructed itself but because after all the lies, I didn't deserve her thanks nor her love.

I hugged her "No, Thank you" I murmured.

---

(Charlie's POV)

"What do you want?" He asked. It occured to me that we haven't eaten dinner yet and I haven't eaten lunch so we found ourselves at the kitchen at 12am in the morning.

"Anything, actually"  I said as he worked his way to make me dinner.

"Okay then"He said. "So.. uhmm.. What time do I.. pick you up tomorrow?"He said while cooking.

"Huh?" Tomorrow? What for?

"After you're don with your job at the ice rink.. Do you want me to pick you up or you can drive yourself?" He said like it was a big deal for him to ask that question.

"Oh" Was he letting me do what I want? "Well.. I was thinking.. If its not really a burden to you-"

"No, not at all, love" He looked at me and I looked at him.

"If I could go to the gym with you?" I smiled a bit, hoping that he would say yes.

He continued on cooking. "Oh.."

"I mean, if its okay and I'm not disturbing you."I said, cutting his sentence.

"No, no. Its okay.. definetly fine with me. Its just that most of the people there are men and from the army or the UN, like me and  Liam is there and since its tuesday, Niall also is there and-"

"So? Its okay. I'll stay by your side all the time and I want to see you do your thing" I said not really picking up why he doesn't want me there.

"Well.. The last time you were there, I had to shove away these boys that surrounded you who were like, buffer than me and I really had a hard time concentrating in my training. I don't really bring you there  but if you want it.. I won't stop you." He said.

"Okay"I said happily. "Can we bring Lexi to-"

"No. Not Lexi."He cut me.

"Why?" I asked.

"Because"

"Because? 

"Because ok. Fine. You can bring her" He said trying not to be irritated.

"Okay then" I said. He echoed.