Phosphenes [Larry Stylinson Fan Fiction] EDITING

Chapter six: Rasasvada

Rasasvada (rusaasvaad) (n.) (Sanskrit) Taste of bliss in the absence of all thoughts.

(Louis' POV)

Harry took a warm shower, I wanted to join him but insisted in taking it alone. I don't want to sound needy but I just miss him. He left me with Charlie on the couch, still sleeping. As I watched football, she attached herself to me like before, I took her with my arm and hand resting on her side and her head and hand resting on my shoulder with her leg slightly on mine. Whenever she moves and small friction between our clothed skin increases that just makes my body uncontrollably take her in. Hold her hands, attach our lips together and hold her in my chest. I want to shove her in my bloodstream and feel her presence inhabit me. I know its wrong to feel this was for Charlie as I am with Harry but I know and sure that this isn't love I had with her before, this is just the effect of my heart's sudden vacancy of her. 

I placed a kiss on her head and just a bit of our skin connecting with each other sent bolts through my body and a bit of pain in my chest cause I know I cannot steal anything worth more than a kiss on her head, a friendly hug and when I'm lucky like right now, her senseless body tangled with mine. If I were to go back in time and knew this was going to happen, I wouldn't have wanted to meet her, for the best. Cause my whole world collapsed and the aftermath of it brought more damage than the collision. She changed me so much that whenever I see myself in the mirror, I can't recognize myself anymore, because I still recognize myself as the person I used to be. I wouldn't wish that I have met Harry before her nor to stay loyal to Charlie but I would just simply erase her in my memory like she did with hers. I would just go away like the coward I am. Because She and Harry are too much to deserve someone like me.

I sighed deeply and just felt the her breathing and heartbeat mellow along with mine. I decided to tuck her to her bed so I carefully carried Charlie to her bedroom, she didn't show any sign of awakening or disturbance, I placed her gently to her bed and pulled her covers upwards to cover her body and placed a pillow beside her that she clung to. I admired her once more and it struck me how she looked the same in her slumber but she was a different person when she wakes up. 

"Goodnight, baby" I whisphered. I opened the faint fairy lights she had in her bedroom and closed the ceiling light. She'll wake up sooner though, its only afternoon.

I went to Harry's room and heard running water hit the bathroom floor, the door was slightly opened causing steam to weakly exit through the bathroom.

"Harry? are you ok?" I knocked. He was taking too long in the shower and made me wonder.

I went in and saw Harry just inside the glass shower, hand on the wall, looking down as the hot water poured down. Im guessing he diddnt hear me because of the water. This wasnt the first time he was like this in the shower, he does this when something was bothering him too much. The first time I saw him like this was when we first had it, I thought he was touching himself but then I thought wrong.

"Babe?"

He turned around and looked at me, he turned the shower off.

"I'm sorry"

"I'm done now" He added.

"It's ok" I replied.

I always wanted to ask him what was running on his mind when he does that but I think I know exactly why he was like this. It was because of us and Charlie and the diary.. He grabbed the towel, dried himself up and covered himself.

He winked at me as he went to his bedroom. He showed me again how his mood can suddenly change in a second, confusing me if he was really okay or not. 

"I laid Charlie into her bed" I said following him to his bedroom.  "I'm gonna have to go home, Harry"  His body never failed to make my eyes to stare at it, even for a few seconds of pause.

"Stay" He insisted, looking at me with the towel on his hand, drying his hair as his bottom was naked and exposed for my eyes. He let out a play full grin when he saw me looking between his legs.

"I have football practice" I said as he knew football practice was important. I devote my life to it, not that it was more important than him but he respected my career.

"Oh.. okay" He looked a bit disappointed. He walked to me and gave me a kiss with his hands cupping my face and mine pulling his hips towards mine to deepen the kiss. I pulled away as I know its already late.

"I'm sorry" I said. But then, I doubt that I'll even sleep after all these mess.

"Its okay, Louis. You're tired" He stated.

"Yeah, I know.." I said. "But I want to stay though" 

"Please do" His eyes pleading. I know, Harry. I want you too.

"I guess I will" 

"Thank you" He hugged me and I did back. 

"Can I take a shower?" I asked. "Too late for you, you already did" I grinned.

"Yeah, you can" He let go of me and allow me to go in the shower.

(Harry's POV)

Thoughts were building up my attention. I threw my naked body to the bed and covered myself with the cold sheets. I let myself disrupt by the sound of the rain falling outside and vaporize what ever it is I am thinking, even thought I couldn't help myself. I felt time go by so slow cause of my mind slowly processing everything that I, we, have just done but every time I glance at the clock, a huge amount of time has passed by. Is this really happening? Its unbelievable to even comprehend that my sister just had lost her memory. 

She said that her memories are the only thing that she held dear because no kind of photography or video can document a moment she spent. I remember her being down about places she'd been through but not taking a single picture but she always got over it because she would just smile and say 'Its okay, its all stored up here!' and point to her head and attempt to let it out in her artworks but fail anyways. God, I miss those. I wish I'd have a day that she'd be herself and maybe after that, I'll have the courage to face this dilemma we're in.