Phosphenes [Larry Stylinson Fan Fiction] EDITING

Chapter Fifty One: Nazlanmak

Nazlanmak (v.) Pretending reluctance or indifference when you are actually willing or eagre; Saying no meaning yes.

(Lexi's POV)

Its Perrie's wedding day, here I am prepping up Charlie at her house because she doesn't know a single thing about makeup and hairstyles and all, she was just telling me about Luke.

"Why did you kiss him?" I frowned, it was so irrelevant yet theres this hope inside of me that maybe, just maybe, they could get back together and Charlie will be happy.

"I wanted to know if there was something, you know?" He turned away from the mirror to face me. "I wanted to know if its the same with Louis"

That instantly put a huge frown on my face "well did it?"

"No" She replied, being kinda disappointed about it. "I wanted it to feel like it but.. no" She looked back to the mirror, I started brushing her hair again.

Its a good sign that she wanted it to feel like Louis. If anything, it should me more than what she feels for him.

"Despite the fact that at first he felt guilty about kissing me.. when he did the second time, it was okay, I liked it.. but it just feels like he doesn't want to because I feel like he really regrets cheating on me"

He didn't. You did. With Louis.

"And after that, when he was kissing me in front of our doorstep, Louis opened the door. I wanted him to feel jealous.. and he was and I liked it" I tried to make no reaction about Louis, he really got in my nerves the last time.

"And yeah, maybe he's mad at me and thats okay. I feel like I really have a good chance with Luke than with Louis. I'm trying.. really." She sighed.

"If you think about it. Luke has everything you could want, and he really regrets it I'm sure of that. All the more, Harry likes him and trusts him, even. With Louis.. yeah, you feel something for him but don't you think that someone could make you feel more than what he could give you? There's so much to risk with Louis but with Luke, trying wouldn't hurt." I paused, sighing like I already gave this advice to her a few years back.

"But isn't that a thing? Its not always playing the safe game when it comes to this. Don't we need to find people we could swim oceans and move mountains for? Even if they wouldn't return it? Because thats suppose to be the thing right? You give and you shouldn't expect something in return.."

"If you give too much and no one could pay it back, what do you think will be left for you? You deserve the kind of love you would give to someone else, Charlie" I lectured, as always, I'm the one who plays as the psychiatrist and her as the patient.

"Besides, who needs boys if you could be single and just have a fun carefree life. It doesn't mean other people already have someone doesn't mean you should rush and find the next available person you see. You're still young and unexperienced.. Don't just settle your choices to Louis or Luke only, you still have a lot to see and feel, you'll be traveling the world, see new people on new places.. there are a billion people to chose from, Charlie. You don't have to be stuck in between choosing two people that couldn't offer you what the rest of the world could. At your age, you should be having fun and getting high and wasted until you get tired of doing that and eventually doing what you love the most." I shrugged, being oh-so proud of the speech I just made. I could be a great mom!

"You know, the depth of what you said is a little too deep to what the topic is.. but thankyou" She smiled.

"I know I'm young.. and unexperienced and naive and I have a lot to feel and see but.. I just can't help but love the idea of being young and experiencing new things and seeing new things with someone I could grow and be in love with. I want someone who could be there for ten years and wait for me.. I want someone who could be there from the start and see how big I grew.. I want that" She said enthusiastically like a kid dreaming for something.