Be More Chill (And A Few Dear Evan Hansen) One Shots!

Requiem- Jeremy Angst

T.W: Mention of abandonment, eating problems, death and self-harm. (Yay...)

Jeremy Angst

I'm also changing the lyrics a bit.

2 facts about this song;
1. I can play this song on the ukelele
2. This (at the moment, it changes every now and then) is my favorite Dear Evan Hansen song.

*Jeremy's P.O.V.*

     I slammed the door to my room shut, not even sure what to feel. My mom just died in a car crash. My mom. The one who abandoned my dad and me, and who I hate. At least... as much as a son can hate his mom.

Why should I play this game of pretend?
Remembering through a second hand sorrow?
Such a great wife and wonderful friend,
Oh don't the tears just pour.

     I can remember the times my dad went on and on how she was a great wife and mom. Even though she left.

I could curl up and hide in my room,
There in my bed still sobbing tomorrow.
I could give in to all of the gloom.

     I mean... the idea of giving up sounded tempting. Just staying in my dark room, not having to feel anything. But I knew it wasn't worth it, to give her my time.

But tell me, tell me what for?
Why should I have a heavy heart?
Why should I start to break in pieces?
Why should I go and fall apart for you?

     I was trying to come intact with my feelings, but they were everywhere. There was so much anger and confusion, but there was a hint of sadness, and that made me angrier. I shouldn't even be sad.

Why should I play the grieving boy,
And lie, saying that I miss you?
And that my world has gone dark without your light?
I will sing no requiem, tonight.

     I remember all the times she threatened to leave us, and I was about 8 when she actually did. My parents got a divorce a year afterwards, and my dad, luckily, got custody.

I gave you the world, you threw it away,
Leaving these broken pieces behind you.

     My dad and I gave her everything she could've asked for. A beautiful house, a happy family. My dad did everything for us. He worked while she "took care of me" (just let me eat cereal and watch t.v.)

Everything wasted,
Nothing to say.
So I can sing no requiem.

      Dad actually feels... sad for her death, and that hurts even more. Knowing how much she hurt him.
(Yes I'm skipping Cynthia's part. It doesn't fit with this.)

Why should I have a heavy heart?
Why should I say I'll keep you with me?
Why should I go and fall apart for you?

     But why should I be sad? After all she did? I didn't choose for her to be my mom. I had no happy memories with her. The only moments that involved her, that were positive, was when I fantasized about her coming back, and us all being a family again. But when I turned 12, I woke up from my day dreams. I realized, at that point, she was never coming back.
   
     The only reason I could find to be sad, is because she's my mom. Its that stupid, fucking title.

Why should I play the grieving boy,
And lie, saying that I miss you?
And that my world has gone dark
without your light?
I will sing no requiem, tonight.

     My whole life was wasted on me trying to hate her, but now that she's dead, everyone expects me to mourn for her? Bullshit.

'Cause when the villains' fall, the kingdoms never weep.
No one lights a candle to remember.

     And there's another thing. People are going to try to keep her memory alive, her family, friends, co-workers and even my dad. Yeah, totally want to be reminded of someone who abandoned me, told me I was worthless, and a bunch of other things, everywhere I turn.

No, no one mourns at all,
When we lay them down to sleep.
So don't tell me that I didn't have it right.

     Every. Time. I told my dad how I really felt about my mom, he would tell me why I should love her.

Don't tell me that it wasn't black and white.

     No matter what, I can't just love her. After all she's done.

After all you put me through.

  The weight loss, self-degrading remarks, depression, anxiety, cuts on my wrist. People can't just pretend that didn't happen to me!

Don't say it wasn't true.

     Maybe if people actually knew what was happening, if they saw through my perspective, maybe they would hate her too. I just want someone to understand! Realize how terrible she is!

That you were not the monster,

     But I'm just expecting too much from people...

That I knew.

     Aren't I?

'Cause I can not pay the grieving boy,
And lie.

     I just have to shut all my emotions out again, which won't be that hard. As long as people don't try to intervene.

Saying that I miss you,
And that my world has gone dark.

     I just have to shut out the voices in my head. Heh. Like I haven't done that before.

I will sing no requiem,

I will sing no requiem,

I will sing no requiem.

     It's even more frustrating that I still feel a bit of sadness in conscience. But that'll go away sooner or later.

Tonight.

     I recognized this feeling. I felt like the old me. The me that felt alone, the me that desperately wanted to be popular, the me that wanted a SQUIP.

Oh, oh,
Oh, oh,
Oh, oh,

     The old me really was returning, but this time, instead of letting my guard down again...

Oh, oh.

     The old me's here to stay.

Angst! Yay. Honestly, angst is very draining for me. And its technically my first angst... so don't tell me how bad it is. I already know. Thank you all so much for 1,000! I was not expecting my book to get this far. Freaking love you guys!!!
Bi my queers!
Your flaming, awkward, not-so-straight writer,
                                    -Cecy
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