Apocalypse (a BFB fanfic)

A Change

Golfball's POV:

"Find out? She never found out. She did catch me in the act, and then thought that I was gonna murder everyone. But don't think just because I was alone doesn't mean you have to, too."

I was sent out here to find LIY and Taco, thinking that I would find LIY holding Taco captive as she brought her back to Blocky, But instead, I find this. I felt, conflicted, confused, guilt on most levels.

I didn't know what to do. I couldn't just join them, especially after they just talked about me like that, even though I completely deserved it. At the same time, I couldn't just go back, then the others would get suspicious and wonder why I didn't bring the two of them with me.

So I ran, ran away like a coward. I ran away from the problem I made and caused all because I convinced myself that people couldn't change. I sit under a tree, hiding from two of my own allies.

I felt so ignorant. All this because of the perception in my mind that some people just don't change. It started with 8-ball, because of him, I lost my trust in people. I claimed myself as leader, but 8-ball however, seemed to be more wanted. 

Old me didn't like that idea, being too greedy to even think about it. So I did something that a horrible leader would do, I put myself before my team. I wanted to be leader, when 8 should have been, but I didn't listen, thinking that they were wrong. 

Then, when he finally left, I got to lead. It was exactly what I wanted, but at the same time, I was still so conflicted about it. I wanted to blame someone, and that someone turned into Basketball after she was the fake in one of the challenges, even though that was out of her control.  I don't think it even was the fact that she was the fake, it was because I associated her with 8-ball.

Basketball soon turned to LIY and the same thing happened again. I blame people for doing one thing then think that they are worthy are hate for it and shouldn't be trusted at all. It's shocking as well since I was on TD's side when it comes to letting her in.

Now that same innocent girl that only wanted to change is the one that cuts herself because of me. This all because I didn't let her prove herself because I never gave her the chance.

All I could think about was that night I saw her holding the knife, like an image I couldn't get out of my mind.  I didn't even think about any other possibilities, my mind just immediately went to that she was trying to murder us all.

Teardrop was right about LIY and I just refused to listen, thinking that I was the one in the right. I always felt like I was the smartest person to ever exist, like I was some sort of genius. I wanted that to be true, but it was just all a lie, because looking back, I might be the greatest fool to live.

I was in a funk, not knowing how to go forward.  I felt irrational and so very stupid because of this girl. I then remembered what TB said, to keep going, no matter what. Ever since then, I thought in situations differently.  I would think about my needs, but his as well. Whenever I felt stuck in the middle of nowhere I would think, what would Tennis ball do? Now, I've broken the oath I made.  TB wouldn't just dump someone on the road because of who they used to be.  I realize that even though he was killed by a Pain, he would let one in if he saw that they really had the potential and motivation to change. Now that's what I need to do.

I get up and walk back to the cave. Feeling hopeful yet scared, worried that I have already made a dark mark. Still, it would never hurt to try.

I eventually made it back. I arrive as Teardrop ran up to me, hugging me so hard that I could barely breath. " Golfball!! Where were you?! We thought Leafy got to you." I look around at everyone else. All of them seemed to be sitting around some sort of fire. Woody was smiling and waving, still being as happy as ever. A huge contrast to Firey, which was just looking down sadly. I looked at LIY the most. She was with Taco just talking away, looking happier then I've ever seen her before.

Teardrop finally lets go of me as I sit down next to Firey. Taco handed me a plate of fish. I barely ate half of it, not really liking it. I was tired. I haven't had coffee in days and could feel myself slowly waste away. I lay down and immediately fell asleep.