RUN | HYUNSUNG ✔️

43

''i don't understand him, jeongin,'' jisung huffed, putting some more chips in his mouth. ''one moment he is so so lovely, the next he hates me.''

jeongin patted his back, shushing him. ''maybe he's using you.''

''he is not,'' the older immediately feeling protective with such a statement. ''i can tell he really wants to be sweet, but it's like he doesn't know how.''

''still sounds like he's just mean,'' jeongin shrugged, always harsh when it came to judgements. ''he's nice to you when he feels subby and goes back to making a fool of you once he feels normal.''

''yeah but-'' jisung protested, searching for arguments. ''there are these moments. like when we wake up and he tries to keep me close for as long as possible. he doesn't want us to talk,,, he enjoys it.''

''he wants you to lay there like a sack of potatoes,'' the younger spat. ''you could be a body pillow for all he cares.''

''no,'' he denied. ''he needs me there. it's small changes, but he's trying really hard. when he cuddles me, it's like he can breathe again. he says he needs me to soothe him or he feels like he'll break. he wrote it down, i saw it on accident.''

''very cute,'' jeongin said sarcastically. ''what does he do for you?''

jisung thought for a moment, wanting to pick the best of all the answers he wanted. ''he makes me feel,,, wanted. like i am worth something.''

''is it enough to balance out the bad?'' he asked in a scarily serious voice, staring him right in the eye.

he thought longer about that, silence covering them not sure if it was comfortable or awkward.

''yes,'' jisung replied. ''it's enough to overpower it, by far. he's perfect, but he doesn't understand.''

''just think about it for a moment,'' jeongin said. ''i'm sure he can find someone else to take care of him while you sort things out.''

the older sighed deeply, nodding and taking some more chips. ''thanks, innie.''

''any time.'' he disregarded, smiling warmly.

+

''hey, hyunjin,'' jisung whispered, carding a fingers through his hair. ''you can't sleep like this, precious.''

blinking his eyes open, hyunjin smiled upon seeing him, making no plans to move at all.

''come on,'' he encouraged, resting his palm on his cheek. ''we gotta get you into bed properly, all sleepy.''

the older uncurled his arms where he had them folded into his chest, reaching them out to wrap around jisung's neck and humming softly.

''let's just get you under the covers.'' the younger smiled, pulling back the sheets the best he could and helping hyunjin scoot back until he wasn't sitting on the duvet anymore.

he drew the bedding over his body until it was up to his chin, hyunjin giggling softly and reaching under his head to grab the letter again.

''i wrote it for you, i hope i explained myself well enough.'' he informed.

jisung nodded, taking it and opening the envelope where he was sat on the edge of his bed.

the boy made sure not to skip a single word, a single character as he read what hyunjin worked so hard on.

jisung,

you told me to write how i feel. i want to listen to you.

i always treat you like you're an object, using you when i need you. i feel really bad about it.

even if hongjoong didn't treat me well, it's unfair for me to act like this towards you.

i really don't wanna love you. i want to hate you so bad, because you are everything i wish to be in one way or another.

but i think i do. you make me feel safe like no one else has ever done for me.

you make me feel like i might not be as bad as i think. like i deserve love.

and then you leave and i start thinking about everything and it all goes wrong. i force my walls up and i push you away.

you don't deserve to be treated like this. you're always helpful and you have never judged me for anything, that's why i like being around you so much.

when we cuddle and you let me hide, it feels good. you make me feel small how i want, protected like i need.

and even if i don't know exactly what i want, i know that i want you. i just hope that that is enough.

because if i don't have you, it feels like i have nothing. i understand if that's too hard for you, i'm sorry.

-

that was a whack letter fjeirofd